It's useless to be reasonable and not listen, empathy! To deal with the uncooperative behavior of the bear children, sometimes it's better to just be hard.
Before starting today's article, Mother C would like to ask everyone a question: Will you force your baby? From the age of one and a half, most babies will change their appearance of being "harmless to humans and animals" and begin to move closer to the team of "little devils". All day long, no matter what you say, people will say no to it; if something goes wrong, they will cry and roll around on the ground; if you let him go east, he will go west, as if he won't fight against you, then he will lose the one who came to this world. Meaning... But, after we have seen a lot of parenting theories, we gradually understand that this is actually the result of the development of children's self-consciousness. It's a good thing, it's normal! We should understand, we should empathize, we should be gentle... We have written many ways to deal with the many "non-cooperation" of children before. But so what? The question should or will come! Because the truth is, even if you use all of these over and over again, the child should not cooperate or not. First, what should the child do if he doesn't cooperate? You read that right, it is to be hard on it directly, especially those issues of principle that have no room for negotiation at all. Like: - wash your hands after going to the toilet;
- you must brush your teeth before going to bed;
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When you don't listen to the truth and empathy is useless, just go straight to the hard way. The simple and rude way is often the most useful! Don't ask how I know that! One of the things DD hated the most when he was a child was sitting in a safety seat, no one. Every time he put him in the safety seat, the first thing he had to do was to break free. To be honest, in the beginning, I also reasoned and shared feelings, and also because the child was really unwilling to compromise (covering his face with his hands)... In the end, in exchange, he got worse again and again! Let the undoubted thing that you have to take a car seat when you get on the car has turned into a non-negotiable matter if you don't take a car seat... At such a young age, you actually want to challenge the authority of the old lady? ! The old lady must let you know, what is "Ginger is still old and spicy"! Later, when I was driving out, I put DD directly on the safety seat. He tried to break free from the beginning until he collapsed and screamed... I have no intention of compromising. I cried till I finally fell asleep. Since that time, DD has gotten a lot better off the car seat. Occasionally, I will try not to sit, but I will tell him with actions that he will not be able to drive without a safety seat, and he will not be able to reach the parks, playgrounds, supermarkets he wants to go if he does not drive the car... After going through this incident, I deeply feel that sometimes, we really don't feel bad for the child, the wrist that should be used still has to be used. - Wash without washing your hands after going to the toilet;
- Press before going to bed without brushing your teeth swipe;
At most, he will be able to hear ghosts crying and wolf howling more, but children always have their own judgments, and no child is so stupid that he will really "cry badly". Didn't Anita Yuen also say it during the interview, haven't you seen that child cry to death! Although it seems a little pitiful, in fact, it is all an illusion they make to "shock" us. After a few more tries, they will know that the bottom line cannot be touched no matter what. And as long as we stay with us long enough, we will always wait until they get tired! Don't think that you are a bad mother like this. There are some bottom lines that we must let our children know. Rather than procrastinating until the final rules are not established, it is better to cut through the mess with a quick knife. The wrist should be used, but the ultimate goal of our problem solving is definitely not in this simple and crude way! This method is useful in the short term, because the baby also knows that due to the disparity in strength, even if he uses all his strength, he can't compete with you. However, this method also has a drawback, that is, you can't conquer the child's heart! Therefore, C mother also summed up a few precautions when "forcing" children! 2. Precautions when "forcing" a child Compromise, but still maintain a peaceful attitude. For example: There was a period of time when DD and children were playing with each other, they always grabbed other people's toys, and after grabbing it, they didn't give anything back to them. I told him, "If you don't give it back, mom will have to take you home." He said, "Don't go home, don't go home, don't go home!" Then he sat on the ground and howled. And me? Directly force him to put down other people's toys, then put a clip under the creaking nest, and kidnap him home. However, I will not accuse him with harsh words. - It’s okay to grab other people’s toys, why cry, cry while crying;
- I told you, if you grab a toy, go home, if you don’t grab other people’s toys, can’t you play together?
I will insist on maintaining a gentle attitude at all times, and will not blame or blame him for crying. But I will always stick to my position and never compromise: "This toy belongs to others, you like it, if you want to play for a while, you must get permission from others!" I found that some things will not change because of his crying. 2. In the end, the communication with the child still needs to return to the skills. After forcing it a few times, the child will know that many things can’t be done. Although the child's psychology is still a little reluctant when encountering similar things again, but at least it won't blow up at the touch of a button. It's like DD grabbing other people's toys. After I kidnapped and went home a few times, the number of times I robbed other people's toys has decreased significantly. When the child's mood is stable, it will be much easier if we use the techniques we have mentioned before. - DD didn't mean to steal other people's toys, but he liked it too much. Would you like to see it? (empathy)
- You like other people's toys, and you can only take them with the permission of others. Go ask my brother if he is willing to lend it to you? (reasonable)
- Mom, it's time to drive your scooter to the treasure hunt and slide home. (Come on routine)
After having a bad experience of being "forced", the child's cooperation will be much higher. However, it is unavoidable to try it out. If the child wants to be tempted, then we go back to the coercive way. After a long time, the child will know: if I cooperate well, then the mother will give me room for negotiation. If you stick to it "gently and firmly" in this way, there will be fewer and fewer cases of children not cooperating. 3. Don't forget to encourage/praise your child's progress. No one likes to be praised. Therefore, we must give children positive feedback in a timely manner when they make progress. I usually use the review method: for example, one day, when there was plenty of time in the evening, I told DD two more short stories, and DD was very satisfied after listening to it. At this time, my chance came. "When we were playing outside again today, when your mother called you home for the first time, you went home obediently, so we had more time and told a little story." "If you weren't so good, then we probably wouldn't have time to tell stories, would we?" ! "So, DD did a great job"! Just imagine, at this time, does the child's sense of achievement come spontaneously? Will you do better and cooperate more when you encounter similar things next time? ! Mother C said: Dear parents and friends: Now many theories tell us not to "force" children, but to be gentle and reasonable. Otherwise, it will affect the child's psychology...resulting in a lifetime of regret...I want to say that if the child is born as an angel baby, it is not unreasonable to always adhere to the concept of gentleness; however, not all children are easy to talk. For example: the siblings in our family are difficult to serve. When they can't get enough oil and salt, I have to let them know that some things can't be done, and there is no room for negotiation. But that's not antithetical to me loving them. It's like a dialogue in the picture book "I Will Always Love You". ——“If I make the feathers in the pillow fly all over the sky, will you still love me?”——“I will always love you, but you still have to pack up the feathers.” Love and rules coexist, this is education best condition. CD Parents: Promoter of the "Chinese Parents Learning Program", C Dad - Master of China Medical University, doctor in a tertiary hospital; C Mom - Editor-in-chief of newspaper parenting, author of "Good Parents Only Good Education". Raise the CC&DD siblings, popularize infant feeding, sleep, disease, and psychological knowledge for public welfare, let more parents join the scientific parenting team, avoid detours together, and be "good parents in China" together! Original public account "CD Mom and Dad" (ID: cdbama)
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