A sense of security does not come from sticking with your mother. It is very important to grasp these periods.

time:2022-12-02 12:54:39source:monlittlebaby.com author:Diet
A sense of security does not come from sticking with your mother. It is very important to grasp these periods.

CD Mom CD Mom and Dad Recently, a mother left a message to me and said, "The baby at home is 2 years old and she is very clingy. As soon as I leave for a while, I cry, and I have to coax and hug. Is this insecure?" Oops, that cliché again. Dr. Maria Montessori once said: "The development of the child in the first three years of life is greater and more important than any stage of the child's life." Mothers probably know this, too. Always before the child is 3 years old, busy teaching him fine motor, gross motor, language, imagination, creativity... But you have to talk about security, although this word is always on your lips, but how to build and care for it? We don't seem to have any special method. Fine motor, I can prepare toys that are easy for him to grasp; language development, I can communicate and talk with him constantly; imagination, I can let the child doodle as much as he wants... But only the sense of security, what can we do Woolen cloth? Is it enough to just be with him? Today, let's talk about this topic. Part.1 How important is a sense of security to children? Although the sense of security is always talked about by us, but in the end it can't be seen or touched... Are these short three words really so important? Yes, there is. 1. A child with sufficient sense of security will not be too bad in character and temperament. When a child is born, he is completely unfamiliar with this new world. In the face of all the unknowns, the first thing children need to gain is a sense of security, which may be obtained from our expressions, language, and reactions, or from the attitudes of others and the family environment. These senses of security will be transformed into the emotional link that the child initially established with the world, helping him develop a good character and temper, and gradually become brave, confident, and generous... Because he knows that no matter what, there will be people behind him to support him I, love me, even if I have negative emotions, someone will accept me. Therefore, he dares to express himself, and he is not too afraid in unfamiliar environments, and he will not be nervous or lose his temper because of the little things. And what about insecure children? Some people say that an insecure child is like a magnifying glass in his heart, and he can easily capture the emotions of others at any time, thus becoming sensitive and disturbed. Therefore, they will cling to people, will look at your face, will be afraid of unfamiliar environments and people, and will be afraid that you will abandon him at any time... Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt. It's not that I'm hypocritical, or how strong my empathy is, but that children like this are really annoying~ 2. Only when you have a sense of security can you have more energy to study and explore the most authoritative neuroscientist in the United States, John Maddy Nathan, in his book "Let Children's Brains Free", mentioned that the brain is most concerned with safety, and then learning. When the child's safety needs are met, the brain will begin to use the remaining resources to learn and explore the outside world. Think about it, if in the eyes of a child, his own sense of security is not guaranteed, where can he put his mind and energy on other things such as "unknown learning and exploration"? Only when the foundation of the sense of security is well laid, can the child have inner strength, and have excess energy to devote to learning and exploration, to walk out of our side smoothly, to try to explore the world around us, and to establish the proper cognition. . Otherwise, the child will only rely more on the parents, just like the baby we said at the beginning, clinging, crying, begging for a hug... Part.2 How to care for the child's sense of security? Psychologist Erickson once pointed out that the sense of security is not innate, but established in the early years of children, especially before the age of 3. Obviously, this is definitely inseparable from our efforts. The question is, what should we do? Children of different ages have different needs for security, and it is important to seize these critical periods. 1 The child's sense of security at this stage in the neonatal period is inseparable from our timely response to his needs. Let me ask, whether it is the most basic physiological needs or the gradually derived emotional needs, if the most intimate parents are not satisfied, how can the sense of security be established? To build a sense of security, the first thing is to care for the child as much as possible, to respond to and meet his needs in a timely manner. The child cannot speak yet and cannot express himself in words. So when they are hungry, sleepy, hot, cold, wet diapers...the most direct way is to cry. Some parents may think that if their children cry all the time, if they cry and hug them, will it spoil them? You think too much, no. At this stage, only a timely response and appropriate satisfaction can allow them to establish the most basic trust relationship between their caregivers, so as to generate trust and expectations in the world around them, and gain an initial sense of security. 2. A child whose birth is usually around 6 months old may enter the birth recognition period, and it is more obvious at about 1 year old. Christiane, a well-known German psycho-pedagogist, said, "The birth recognition period occurs naturally with growth, and it is likely that the birth recognition period will come overnight." Children who recognize the birth period are prone to instinctual fear of unfamiliar environments. The most common is the shyness, timidity and other resistance emotions when seeing strangers. I remember when DD was about one year old, it was the most serious time for birth recognition. Don't talk about strangers at that time, even the grandma and grandpa who came to see him every weekend, when they first met, he would put on a gesture of disrespect: "Want to hug me, who are you?!" , Get familiar with it slowly, and play for a while before letting go of your vigilance and allowing hugs (I feel sorry for my grandma and grandpa for 1 minute). Closer to home, children will inevitably be afraid or actively seek dependence when faced with strangers or unfamiliar environments at this stage. The most taboo is to label children such as "rude", "fear of life", "timid" and so on. As the person the child is most familiar with, we should accept his emotions and stay by his side firmly. When he feels that he is not alone, he is relatively at ease and calm. You can remind him: "Mom is here, don't worry, don't be afraid!" Then encourage him to take the next step, or give him more hugs and give him the strength from being protected by his mother. This kind of acceptance and support is a great sense of security for children. 3. The old mothers during separation anxiety period should have encountered such a scene: whenever they want to go out alone, the baby will cry so much that they won't let go, just don't let go. This is what we often call "separation anxiety", and it is not uncommon in children before the age of 3. DD is much better now, but just a year ago, he was the "immature" little boy who would cry and cry every time I left. Separation anxiety is a normal instinct for children who are "securely attached" in physical and mental health. The more people who can give the child a sufficient sense of security leave, the more uneasy and anxious he will definitely be. What mothers often worry about is that separation anxiety, if not handled properly, can easily undermine the child's sense of security. 4 "Terrible 2" period With the growing psychological maturity, children will experience a "rebellious period" around the age of 2. Also known as "Terrible 2" (terrible 2 years old). Children at this stage are prone to emotional fluctuations, and it is difficult to adjust their own logic. All day long except "no, no, no", it's "I'm coming, I'm coming". No matter what you say, not taking a bath, or having to press the elevator by yourself, for a child, it is his way of studying the order of the world and the boundaries of the rules. Because self-consciousness is germinating, he longs to be the master himself and to be able to control everything. At this time, the inner sense of security comes from this sense of control. If we simply think "he's fighting against me", and suppress his thoughts and deprive him of his desire to explore across the board, then the child will only collapse. Therefore, the more this kind of child wants to be the master, the more we have to "let go" appropriately. When he doesn't want to sleep, ask him if he wants to sleep with the bear or with the bunny, and let him make the choice. When I want to press the elevator, I let him press it. I feel the sense of accomplishment that my actions make the elevator go up. In this way, children will gain a sufficient sense of security in the "controllability" we create. C mother said that 0-3 years old is an important period for children to establish a sense of security. I believe that many mothers may be the same as me when it comes to security. All day long, he is either talking about it, or thinking about it in his heart, for fear of not taking care of the child's sense of security in place. From CC to DD, I have had a baby for 8 years. Until now, special attention will be paid to the establishment and care of children's sense of security. After all, a child's sense of security does not come from sticking with his mother. Based on this experience, I will give some practical suggestions to some confused mothers.
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