"I'm upset when I see children idle for a while", how many children are paying for their parents' anxiety

time:2022-11-27 06:09:03source:monlittlebaby.com author:Baby bones
"I'm upset when I see children idle for a while", how many children are paying for their parents' anxiety

My friend's child is in junior high school and is in a period of rebellion. The parent-child relationship is very tense. When chatting with a friend, the friend said something like this: "I get upset when I see my child idle for a while. Why don't I read more books and study more when I have time? What?" This sentence fully exposed the anxiety of her friend, and her parent-child relationship with the child was paying for his anxiety. Life is not easy, and many adults are more or less anxious. People with anxiety are often worried, nervous, and emotionally out of control. But their emotions have a place to go, either externally or internally. Internally, it may cause self-harm and become a patient with anxiety or various physical and mental diseases. Externally, it may hurt people, cause all kinds of disharmony, all kinds of contradictions, all kinds of injuries and all kinds of adverse consequences. And people's control of emotions is generally relatively self-control in front of the strong, and may be more venting when facing the weak. In the family, the object of pouring out anxiety is often the closest person and often the weakest person, most of whom are underage children. Parents' anxiety is unknowingly paid for by children with their "healthy growth". In the unfortunate marriage, the children became the only receivers of anxiety. Due to the accelerated pace of life and the rising pursuit of material and spiritual human beings, the instability of marriage is becoming more and more obvious, and the divorce rate is getting higher and higher. The direct victims of divorce are mainly children and vulnerable women. Single mothers with children alone often have a hard life and are prone to anxiety, especially women who are betrayed by their husbands and are full of anger. I know a divorced woman. The reason for her divorce was that her husband cheated and she had a family outside her home. She has a son who is in the second year of junior high and has just entered puberty. She has a stable job with a good income, but is busy. She is in a hurry every day, getting up at six in the morning to prepare breakfast for her son, and rushing home after get off work in the afternoon to prepare dinner for her son. She couldn't participate in the gatherings and entertainment activities of colleagues and friends. She was in a state of depression, depression and anxiety, and she couldn't help but get angry with her son every day because of various small things. The son got up too slowly, she threw the bowl and shouted: "Do you still want to eat? I want to serve you like this every day!" She angrily scolded her son for messing with his father, locked her son at home on weekends, made public the object of her son's puppy love in their class group, and taught the girl a high-profile lesson. My son couldn't take it anymore, and he refused to go back to school to study. He slept at home and played games all day. Their parent-child relationship dropped to "zero point". Originally, this matter could have been properly handled by the child, but due to the mother's anxiety and impulsiveness, the child's "losing face" and "loss of love" triggered rebelliousness and avoidance behavior. As a parent, you should learn to calm down when your emotions come, and then deal with your child's affairs, so as not to let things go to extremes. The same single mother, she knew that she would be anxious in an unsatisfactory life. In order not to affect family education and parent-child relationship, she installed a set of stereos at home. When negative emotions appeared, she turned on the stereo to make her feel comfortable. The light music spreads out, calm down for a while and then deal with the child's affairs. When life is not going well, all anxiety can become a burden, mercilessly pressing on the child. After the incident of the junior high school student jumping off the building exposed last year, after the tragedy, netizens accused his mother that he should not treat the child so simply and rudely, and slap him in the face at the school regardless of the child's self-esteem. Some netizens further analyzed, saying that the mother was used to hitting her child, and a slap in the face from the school was just the last straw that broke the child. But few people expected that this mother was actually very anxious, and she was completely out of control at the beginning. Later, an insider revealed that the mother not only lived alone with the child, but also had a painful experience. She was originally from a wealthy family with her husband and son, but then her husband cheated and transferred most of the family's property to the mistress. After her divorce, she sold breakfast in the morning, went to work in the supermarket at noon, set up a street stall at night, and worked several jobs to support her life. The once beautiful emotions were betrayed and hurt, and the reality is still so difficult and unbearable, her pain and anxiety can be imagined. When faced with the child's "ignorance", she couldn't control herself. In fact, it was far more than this time that she was unable to control herself. After the child's accident, regret and annoyance were worse for her, who had already collapsed. She finally couldn't bear the torture and passed away. When life is not going well, the best thing to do is to try to zero in on the past, start everything from scratch, and reduce various requirements to relax your mind. This will prevent negative emotions from crushing your heart and hurting your children. He also suffered betrayal, his economy was almost completely swept away by his wife, and he looked at his daughter who was abandoned by his wife. He said to his daughter, "Dad loves you, let's work hard together!" Then, every time he had a negative emotion, he would tell his daughter, "Dad is in a bad mood." When his daughter made a mistake, he would express his emotion: "I'm very angry. ." Instead of expressing emotions, he blamed his daughter with unscrupulous words. Taking a good grasp of the "inner emotional stress of the moment" will minimize the damage caused by anxiety. In fact, everyone has anxiety, especially when life is not going well. The key is to be good at resolving it. Worrying too much about the future will inevitably make it hard for children to breathe. I read an article saying that among the parents of students who are studying, more than 65% of the parents have anxiety. Anxiety is the feeling of suffering that arises from uncertainty, uncertainty, and difficulty in grasping the future. Although the "double reduction" in education is now implemented, the students who are studying are still under great competition pressure, especially after entering junior high school, whether they can be admitted to key middle schools and then to key universities has become an anxiety issue for most parents. Neighbors have had no peace since their children entered junior high school. Every day, they could hear the mother and child arguing with each other, and sometimes the child slammed the door and slammed away. On a door-to-door visit, maybe because the guests were there, they were a little more careful, but the mother kept talking to the child. The child came out to say hello and did not immediately return to the room to study. The mother immediately shouted: "I haven't entered the room to do my homework right away. I always want to take the opportunity to be lazy." He just turned around, and the mother immediately complained: "He does this every time, whenever there is a chance, he will Avoid studying." "Don't hold him too hard." As soon as she persuaded her, her mother responded anxiously: "That won't work, you can't relax now. Think about it, there are only two key middle schools in the city, and there are so many junior high school graduates. If you are not among the best in junior high schools, how can you be admitted? If you can't be admitted to a key middle school, how many chances are you going to be admitted to a key university? If you can't be admitted to an important university, how can you find a good job? Isn't life bleak?" The mother was really anxious. And because of anxiety, she grasped the child too tightly, and the child began to avoid and rebel. She also said: "I am so tight on him now, and his academic performance is still declining. If he relaxes, the consequences will be even more dire." She did not know that her so-called "fastening" has made the child lose interest in learning and dislike learning. psychology. The child learns only under her pressure as a last resort, and it is not surprising that the grades drop. In the end, the child failed to be admitted to a key high school as she had hoped. Anxiety of parents is a major killer of children's interest in learning, but many parents don't understand it, they are just blindly anxious and pressurize their children blindly. There is a way to resolve this anxiety of parents, and that is to treat the child as someone else's home. In this way, parents will not make excessive demands on their children, will not cross the line, and will not force their children to do things according to their own wishes; parents will be more rational, more respectful of their children, and not undermined their confidence. In this way, children who are not stressed by anxiety tend to grow better, and even inadvertently, they grow into what their parents expect. Parents who know how to resolve anxiety will not let their children be affected by themselves, and will not let their children pay for their anxiety. Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and carries her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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