Forcing a child to apologize when he did something wrong is actually the cruelest way of education

time:2022-11-27 author:Diet
Forcing a child to apologize when he did something wrong is actually the cruelest way of education

"Why do you treat Mi Tao like this, go and apologize to her now!" "I'm not wrong, why admit it" "You are still stubborn, it seems that the teacher did not say anything wrong about you, if you don't admit it today, I will take all your dolls. Throw it away!" This is the scene in the TV series "Little Shede" where Nan Li forces her daughter Huanhuan to admit her mistake to her classmate Mi Tao. In the end, I didn't even understand where I was going wrong. This kind of unrepentant and coerced confession will cause at least three harms: first, the two parties who already have conflicts are not relieved by the apology, but instead increase the estrangement between each other; second, the parent-child relationship is greatly reduced, and the daughter thinks that the mother does not If you support yourself unconditionally, you will lose your sense of security. Third, after the unseen emotions are dealt with in the wrong way, the future children will be prone to extreme solutions to problems. Children will inevitably make various mistakes in the process of growing up. Blindly forcing children to admit their mistakes will only have the opposite effect. The real admitting mistakes and self-examination are never forced from the outside world, but inner recognition. So what should parents do when their children make mistakes?

Rational judgment is wrong, parental support gives children confidence and confidence

As a parent, first of all, you must rationally judge whether your child has really made a mistake. This is not for parents to avoid responsibility , but in dealing with minor disputes, young children are often unable to restore the truth of the matter, resulting in misjudgment from time to time, and the support of parents will give children the confidence and self-confidence that will last a lifetime. A 10-year-old child in Shapingba District, Chongqing, on-site surveillance showed that he was "suspected" of scratching an Audi car, and his father was forced to pay 3,000 yuan for repairs. But this father, taking the child's sullenness in his eyes, patiently copied more than 40 GB of surveillance video, and spent a lot of time investigating, just because his son said, "Dad, listen to me, I am really wronged. ". In the end, with the assistance of a serious and responsible police officer, the child was cleared of innocence. Some people don't understand, is it worth the trouble? Of course it is worth it, and it is extremely worthwhile. If the father forced the child to apologize in the face of "iron proof" at the beginning, the helplessness and panic in the heart after being wronged will affect the child's life. The father's support is the greatest confidence a family can give a child, because he is worthy of being trusted.

Understanding Communication Mistakes, Parents' Responses Teach Children the Ability to Empathize

Children have made mistakes but refuse to admit, should they be forced to apologize? Instead of forcing them to admit their mistakes blindly, it is better to take the opportunity to teach children to recognize their mistakes. Professor Li Meijin, who has studied psychology for many years, said: "A child's feelings are often determined by their parents' attitudes." As mentioned earlier, Nan Li forced her daughter Huanhuan to apologize by throwing away the doll, but Huanhuan never understood herself. What's wrong, I just chose to apologize because I didn't want to lose my beloved doll. Many times when children make mistakes, parents often choose to force their children to apologize as soon as possible out of face problems. In fact, this behavior not only does not help children realize their mistakes, but turns the originally harmonious parent-child relationship into the opposite, hurting their self-esteem. and security. There is no child who cannot make mistakes, and making mistakes is a good time to teach them the right qualities. Don't be in a hurry to complete the apology. When a conflict occurs, parents should observe the child's state, soothe their emotions first, and let the child guide them to handle it correctly in a calm state. Education and guidance will only be useful after the emotions are calmed down. Children's world of toys is too big, and there is often a problem of children grabbing toys from each other. If there is a conflict, parents will only teach them to apologize, and eventually the bear children will form thinking habits - thinking that apology can solve any problem. Parents who really know how to educate do not rush to apologize, but teach their children to use empathy to understand the true thoughts of children who have been robbed of toys. For example, try to ask "Will you be happy if your toy is robbed?" "Will you be sad if you are beaten by other children?" Such questions, let the child realize that his behavior is indeed wrong, and only when he truly realizes the problem can he will correct the problem.

Rationality guides mistakes, parents' words and deeds establish children's rules and responsibilities

Rational parents should know that learning to say sorry is not the same as apology, just like the Internet once The popular joke: "If an apology works, why do you need the police". It is true that children learn to apologize, but if it is perfunctory and insincere, it does not work. A true apology is admitting a mistake + taking responsibility. A child of a high-rise resident in a certain community found a bottle of ink while playing at home, and curiously poured the ink down the window, causing all the clothes to be dried downstairs to suffer. Typically, an angry parent will beat the child to relieve his anger and then ask the child to apologize. But this wise mother took her children one by one to explain the situation, and brought home all the clothes and quilts that were stained with ink, and took her son to wash them by hand one by one until All washed until clean. The next day, my mother invited a worker who cleaned the exterior walls to clean the exterior walls and windows that were stained with ink, and asked my son to stand on the terrace to watch the whole process. In the end, the sincerity of the mother and son moved the neighbors, and everyone chose to forgive. I sincerely appreciate the behavior of this mother, she is silent, the words and deeds of parents are the best textbooks for children. In the face of mistakes that have occurred, they will not evade or avoid taking the initiative to take responsibility, and let the children realize their own mistakes. The harm caused by the behavior is more meaningful than forcing an apology. The first sound of a child after birth must be a cry instead of a loud book, which means that no child is born with a sense of rules, and they gradually understand this colorful world through continuous trial and exploration. Parents are their children’s first teachers, and their words and deeds will subtly affect their children’s perception of the world, so we don’t need to be afraid of children making mistakes. Only when you grow up can you become a mature and responsible person.
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