Two-child families whose children love to fight, give parents 3 suggestions to easily become "firefighters"

time:2022-12-09 author:Diet
Two-child families whose children love to fight, give parents 3 suggestions to easily become "firefighters"

I saw a very interesting hot spot, "Twins fight in the stomach and bruised after birth". It is said that the twin brothers refused to give in to each other when they were in the womb, "fighting and kicking" in the mother's womb, and the mother's pregnant belly also fluctuated and changed. Sure enough, the twins were full of "bruises" after they were born. After seeing the news, netizens said: Look, fighting has a cost! The hot spots here have not disappeared, and rumors have already begun to be refuted there. Doctors at the Jiangsu Maternal and Child Health Hospital said it was unlikely that twins would fight in the womb because they were not in the same "room". Bruising all over the body after birth occurs in most newborns. With the refutation of rumors by professional doctors, a somewhat interesting and cute "rumor" came to an end. It is false that twins fight in the mother's womb, but in real life, "battles" between brothers in families with two boys are not uncommon.

Brothers love to fight for a reason.

A mother left a message: There are two boys in the family, one is over 5 years old and the other is over 3 years old. Sometimes two people will fight Things, will fight, what should the elder brother do if he does not let his younger brother, if the younger brother refuses to accept the elder brother? This kind of problem is probably encountered by families with two babies, especially boys. It's better if the gap is older, but if the difference is within 3 years, fights become commonplace, especially when you're young. There are generally two reasons why brothers who are not very different like to fight: 1. In the stage of strong self-awareness, if the two babies in the family, one is less than 1 year old and the other is 3 years old, when the second child is holding a toy, When the boss took it away, they wouldn't quarrel. The worst thing might be Erbao crying. But it's different when you are 3 years old and 5 years old. They will definitely have a big fight and even start. Is it because there is no love between brothers? No, it's because both children have a strong sense of self. They all think "this thing" is mine, and in order to get and protect this thing, they will "struggle" with each other. 2. I have seen this sentence in "competing" for the attention of parents: "In a second-child family, brothers and sisters are the closest relatives and the most powerful competitors." They sometimes compete and fight just for the sake of Just get the attention of the parents. As the American philosopher Professor Dewey said: The deepest impulse in human nature is "the desire to be valued". Especially in a second-child family, there is no way to be absolutely fair in the love of parents, and children will get their parents' attention by fighting and arguing.

Teach you three tricks to be a "firefighter"

Educator Montessori said: "Everything we do to children , will bear fruit, not only affect his life, but also determine his life." So, when the child is on the "fire", how should parents be competent "firefighters"? First, learn to be an "out of the box" parent. My friend Xiaoling is the mother of two children and the most tired mother in the circle of friends. Her tiredness is not from work or housework, but from regulating the emotions of her two children. As long as the children have conflicts, she will adjust it. After a few days, she will be exhausted physically and mentally, and the fighting phenomenon of the children has not decreased at all. Children's conflicts are not one a day or a few days, their conflicts are one moment. No matter how much time you have, you can't always adjust the conflict for your child. It's better to learn to be a parent who "stands out" and let them learn to deal with conflicts on their own. After all, no matter how "fair" the parents deal with the problem, in the child's view, there is always a possibility of partiality. You must believe that children's quarrels are normal. Just like their kisses and hugs, it is just an emotional catharsis that can be solved by yourself. On the contrary, if the parents intervene too much, it will become a "cross-border" behavior. Second, deal with the problem fairly. Hu Ke once said in a program that the eldest son Anji and the youngest son Xiaoyuer often have conflicts. There was a fierce quarrel between the two children. Hu was afraid that Anji was too hard on Xiaoyuer, so he stopped Anji and told Anji: "When my brother grows up, you will not be able to beat him." Anji paused for a while Afterwards, he walked over and said to Xiaoyuer, "I was so miserable because of you." Afterwards, Hu Ke regretted that she told Angie that she thought she was treating the two children fairly, but she didn't expect to ignore the children's feelings. Hu Ke's approach is a method that most parents have used. In fact, what children want is not "fairness", but justice. When they have problems, once the parents become "lobbies", it will not be fair, it is better for them to provide what they need. Finally, give children the right to choose. In "Dad's Home", the cute baby Xiaomi and her younger brother Xiaobao quarreled over toys. The mother said, "If there is a toy, you have to fight and quarrel", and then threw the toy out the door. The implication is that if you grab a toy, no one will get the toy. Although this trick is "simple and rude", it is effective. Xiaomi immediately reasoned with his mother. Although Xiaobao couldn't speak, he also understood what happened. Sometimes this trick works, giving the child the choice to either share toys or not play with anyone. Children are very smart. The next time they encounter the same situation, they will know how to change their love for each other. Parents are worried when they see children fighting and exclude their preference for a certain child. In fact, they are afraid that when they grow up, children will not be able to love each other. After all, apart from parents, siblings who are related by blood are the closest people. I would say, don't worry too much. It is normal for children to quarrel and fight with each other, which is their normal emotional outlet. As long as they don't take sides, conflicts between children will always be resolved. Isn't there a saying: "Fighting is kissing, and scolding is love?" The more the relationship between siblings, the closer they will become. Conclusion: Don't demand and educate children with "the elder brother should let the younger brother" and "the elder sister should take care of the younger sister". Every child is equal, and they deserve the just love of their parents. When you are fair, the children's slapstick when they are young is just slapstick, and will not affect their emotions in adulthood. But if parents can't do justice, the damage to the soul as a child cannot be repaired. (The picture in this article comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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