After Er Bao was born, 4-year-old Da Bao's behavior deteriorated, and I was very distressed after knowing the reason.

time:2022-10-02 03:53:09source:monlittlebaby.com author:Make one's mouth water
After Er Bao was born, 4-year-old Da Bao's behavior deteriorated, and I was very distressed after knowing the reason.

I am a mother of a second child. I gave birth to my youngest son in 2015. My daughter is 4 and a half years old. We were originally a family of four that everyone envied. It made me more and more worried, and after communicating with some mothers, I found that many second-child families have this problem: for example, the younger brother needs to drink milk, and the elder sister also needs to drink milk; When Bao eats, my sister also asks to feed her, otherwise she won’t eat, and even asks me to accompany her when she goes to the toilet. The behavior has simply degenerated to the infant and toddler years. As the old saying goes: "How come the more you live, the more you go back?" It's really a headache. It turned out that the "regression" behavior caused the disaster. After consulting a doctor, I realized that the behavior of my family's big treasure was a typical "regression" phenomenon. "Regression" is a psychological defense mechanism proposed by the Austrian psychologist Freud, which means that when people are frustrated or face anxiety, stress and other states, they give up the mature skills or behaviors they have learned, and regress. To use the behaviors of the early life stage, for children, when faced with pressure, their behaviors will temporarily degenerate to reduce their anxiety and stress. Its essence is an immature psychological defense mechanism. Why do children appear "regression" The phenomenon of regression, in fact, occurs in children at all ages. For example, some elementary school students will refuse to go to school and cry because of their parents’ reprimands; some junior high school students will have huge psychological anxiety due to the pressure of further education, and even have excessive behaviors such as self-harm, jumping off buildings, and beating and scolding their parents. Some adults also experience regression, such as shopping for clothes, bags, or a big meal when they are unhappy. In fact, this is a kind of psychological defense. It's just that compared to children, adults can heal themselves quickly. Because children are young, their psychological defense mechanisms are not perfect enough when facing pressure, so they show a regression phenomenon. So what should we do in the face of this "regressive" behavior of children? How should parents deal with their children's "regressive" behavior 1. Do not criticize their children's regressive behavior, and encourage their own parents to treat their children's regress correctly is not to criticize their children's temporary regressive behavior, and at the same time to encourage them to take care of themselves, from some small things At the beginning, for example, when he does simple housework, can complete his homework in time, or gets praise from the teacher, his parents must give him praise and encouragement, so that he can feel his parents' attention and full love for him. At the same time, let him communicate with children of the same age and face up to the inner desire of children. The more a child feels accepted and valued, the faster the regression will disappear. 2. Take the initiative to invite the eldest brother to participate in the process of raising Erbao. The reason why many Dabaos from families with a second child have regressive behaviors is that they think that their parents have given Erbao their original love, and they don’t love him anymore. Hate, and often say: "Why do you want Erbao? I want to give him away" and so on. Although the parents feel that they have been treated fairly, Dabao still feels wronged. Even if the old mother nags him a hundred times, you must love Erbao, he is your younger brother and sister, how cute he is! In the end it didn't work at all. Why not try to invite him to participate in the parenting process of Erbao, such as asking the boss to change the diaper for the second child. The child is always curious about things he has never done before. When Bao grows up, he will definitely love his brothers and sisters, and he is especially willing to play with them. Usually, you can ask in a weak tone: Dabao, my mother needs your help. Can you help my mother bring my brother's water cup? Can you help me wash my brother's toys? Wouldn't your mother be able to teach you? Is it possible? Thank you my baby, you are amazing! From the invitation to the professor in person, I sincerely thank you at the end! Let the second child become interested in raising the baby, gain satisfaction and a sense of achievement from it, and love the second child even more! 3. Respect the eldest’s privacy and ideas. The things that the eldest does not allow to touch have to be discussed. Many second-child families have similar problems. For example, the eldest does not let the eldest touch his toys, books, paintbrushes, etc. It's mine. The second child can't even touch it. Even before the eldest goes to school or kindergarten, he has to tell his parents not to touch her things. Once he comes back and finds that the toy is passive, it is hysterical crying. What should I do? First of all, it is necessary to clarify the ownership of this thing. If it is something that the boss learns and uses, or involves the boss's privacy, then resolutely do not let the second child touch it; if it is a toy that both the boss and the second can play, then you must discuss it with the boss. For example, baby, you see that brother of building blocks likes to play, can you give it to him? Help mom, don't make him cry, okay? Treat the boss as the owner of the toy and respect his decision, so that the boss can be more reasonable. 4. Let the boss realize that growing up is such a beautiful thing. Although the baby will receive more care from the parents, he still has There are many things that cannot be done, such as being unable to walk, speak, or go to kindergarten as an infant. At this time, Dabao should see that growing up is such a meaningful thing. When he grows up, he can go to kindergarten to play with children, go to school to learn knowledge, choose clothes he likes, and let his mother bring Going to the playground to play, in short, not only learned a lot of new skills when growing up, but also went to more places and made more friends. When the boss finds out that when the baby is not so good, but he can't play a lot of games and can't eat a lot of things, he will naturally not be obsessed with being a baby who can't do anything. 5. Treat both children equally, not just by age. Many parents will often say that you are a brother and sister, and he is younger than you, so you can let him order it. Often at this time, Dabao can't listen, why should I let him? Then I'm not a brother and sister, I want to be a brother and sister. Saying too much, it will even cause the shadow of his childhood. The best way is to treat both of them equally, punish them together, and reward them together, so that Dabao can fully feel that he is valued and that his parents are not partial to either side. Let children grow up healthy in a loving atmosphere. Studies have shown that the phenomenon of regression in children just shows that children have had enough sense of security, so they dare to release this part of their inner needs. If mothers can properly guide, children's "regression" stage is actually a very short process. Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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