Knowing how to let go is a required course for parents, but unfortunately many people understand it too late, don't let love become a fetter

time:2022-12-05 author:Make one's mouth water
Knowing how to let go is a required course for parents, but unfortunately many people understand it too late, don't let love become a fetter

In family relationships, parents occupy a strong dominant position, and they take the responsibility of parenting and take their children for granted as their "private property". But in fact, as children grow up, their growth needs are quietly changing, from the most basic physiological needs such as eating, drinking and lasacing to more complex psychological needs. In the end, parents have to face up to each The fact that children are independent individuals. Some people say that the best love a parent has for a child is a decent separation, so parents should be mentally prepared to "let go at the right time" from the very beginning. Xiaolin is a master's graduate from a certain university. It is not difficult for him to find a serious job with a high degree. However, in the 10 years after graduating from a master's degree, he has been relying on his parents to take care of him. Kobayashi lives with his parents and relies on the old man's pension to maintain his daily expenses. His daily routine is upside down and he rarely communicates with his parents, and he is addicted to playing games all day long. Xiaolin's parents hope that their son can cheer up and "live like a normal person", but Xiaolin doesn't pay attention to his parents' advice. Once he was annoyed by his parents, he was emotionally moved to his father. Get up. Xiaolin's parents cried helplessly, "This child was very obedient when he was a child, I don't know why he became like this!" Xiaolin's parents had no choice but to seek help from the social workers in the community. After much communication, Xiaolin finally revealed his heart . "My parents have been very strict with me since I was a child. Everything about me is decided by my parents, including what I wear every day, including my choice of major in college. In fact, I originally wanted to study architecture, but my parents insisted that I study. Law, the funny thing is that in the end I took the postgraduate entrance exam under their coercion." "After graduating with a master's degree, I still haven't found an ideal job, and it's all my parents' fault. I eat and drink theirs now. Just to let them know that they did something wrong, I lived according to their ideas, but I also made a mess of myself." After listening to Xiao Lin's complaint, Xiao Lin's parents had mixed feelings, "We are all for his good! Yes! What parent doesn’t want their child to have a smooth life, why does this child love to be on top of everything? Are our love for him all wrong? We just want him to avoid detours.”

Parents who don’t know how to let go will only make love hurt

Parents’ love for their children comes from instinct, especially Chinese parents who are willing to sacrifice everything for their children. The doting is self-evident. However, when parental love is out of proportion, this love that blurs the sense of boundaries is likely to make the growth of the child go astray and the whole family out of control. Children who are overprotected by their parents have a strong sense of dependence, and their psychology will not become mature with age. As the old saying goes, "Being used to a child is like killing a child." The comfort zone that parents build for their children will only eventually become a cage that prevents their children from spreading their wings. Some people say that children do not endure hardship when they are young, but their parents will endure hardship in their later years. Parents who don’t know how to let go can only give their children peace when they are young. When they get old, their children’s intensified demands will only make their old life tired and stretched. The word "gnawing the old" is not pleasant, but there are not a few "giant babies" who selfishly extract the blood and sweat of their parents. Parents who don't know how to let go can't raise "thankful" children, and parents who don't know how to grasp the measure of love will only "turn against each other" with their children. A life under the control of others is suffocating, and the control that cannot be escaped makes people lose themselves. The life plans that parents impose on their children are ultimately a thankless one-man show.

Knowing how to let go is a must for parents, why do many parents not?

Rousseau said that if you want your child to be unfortunate, then be obedient to him. But obviously, not every parent understands this truth in real life. Parents hope to use their airtight love to shield their children from wind and rain, and parents hope to use their own affairs in exchange for their children's comfort. In fact, parents' efforts will indeed make children gain a lot of convenience, but it is undeniable that parents' "doing it on their behalf" also makes children a "sit back and enjoy". Parents think they have more life experience, which makes them feel in control. Therefore, the status of elders gives them the confidence to take charge of their children's lives. It seems that only under their control can children achieve success. When children are young, parents take it for granted that their children will be obedient. However, as children grow up, they begin to have independent needs. However, parents who are accustomed to taking care of everything choose to ignore this. They who do not grow up with their children unknowingly become a burden to their children's growth.

As a parent, how can you give your child a "proportioned" love?

1. Pay attention to the real growth demands of children. When facing the growth and changes of children, parents should not only pay attention to how tall they are, but also pay attention to what they need most. After children have their own ideas and opinions, they will hope that they will have more presence and right to speak. Parents who know how to let go will meet the psychological needs of children, so that children can become the choosers and shapers of their own lives. By. 2. Respect for children's independence Development of individual independence starts from ideas, so even if children do not have the ability to be completely independent and have rich life experience, this does not prevent them from yearning for independence. As parents, it is necessary for them to respect the independent development of their children, so that they can have more opportunities to exercise on their own. Parents who are willing to see their children's independent side are more likely to find opportunities to teach their children to be independent. 3. Give the child the space to grow freely. Life is perfect because of the flaws, and a correct view of the detours that children take in their growth can prevent parents from choking and giving up food because they are too worried. The life experience of parents can be learned by children, but when children want to go out of their own lives, parents should still know how to let go. A free growth space will allow children to have more possibilities in their lives, so that they will not become replicas of their parents' lives, and they will have the opportunity to realize their true self. After all, the company of parents has an end. Parents' desire to control or no bottom line is not enough to protect children's life. What can really make children live smoothly is that parents let go in time and teach children the way to success. It is more meaningful and valuable than letting children easily get successful results. Conclusion: Parent-child love is most afraid of crossing the line, and facing separation calmly is the most rational and wise love of parents. The good parents treat their children is not to do their best to satisfy him, but only the parents who are "ruthless" can make the parent-child love look decent. (The picture in this article comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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