Parents always belittle their children, what kind of psychology is it? The puzzle has an answer

time:2023-02-02 author:Cry
Parents always belittle their children, what kind of psychology is it? The puzzle has an answer

"I'm so angry, how can there be such a stupid child!" "What's wrong with Sister Su? Suddenly such a big fire?". Colleague Xiaoliu asked Sister Su. "Damn! What could be the situation? It was designated as tutoring for homework last night." Another colleague, Xiaojuan, said with a smile, and everyone smiled knowingly after listening. "I'm really speechless. How can there be such a stupid child? It really pisses me off." Sister Su continued, and hurried away. Everyone also took it as if they had heard a gossip, and continued to busy themselves with the work at hand. This is not the first time we have heard Sister Su complain about her child being "stupid", and once even accused her child of only 96 points in the exam in front of us. 96 points is not bad for a fourth grader of elementary school. But in Sister Su's place, it's not passable. It's best to have 100 points in the test. If the score falls, it will be said that the child is too stupid. Sister Su's behavior reminds me of a topic I saw recently: Why do some parents always belittle and attack their children? They are obviously kind to others and love their children, but why do they always say things that hurt their children?

Belittling a child is unacceptable

Parents who often belittle their children, in their own words, "for the good of the child" , in fact, because they can't accept themselves, they keep hoping their children are good. I read a story many years ago. A mother used to be an excellent dancer, but after having a child, she was forced to suspend her dance dream. So she blamed all this dissatisfaction on her daughter. When she realized that her dream of being a dancer could only be placed on her daughter, she adopted a very strict method to train and nurture her children. In her daughter's memory, only when she won a dance competition can she get her mother's smile and love. This is a very cliché story, but it is the epitome of many parents and children. Parents can't accept the unsatisfactory life of their own, so they vent all their disappointment on their children. Maybe they get a moment of happiness, but innocent children have been greatly hurt. Parents can't even accept themselves, how can they raise their children well? It can be seen from the many parenting cases around us that those children who are always belittled by their parents are sensitive, unconfident, paranoid, and difficult to succeed in the end. What is even more frightening is that those parents who do not accept themselves raise their children, who do not accept their own children, and they will also raise children who do not accept their own children. It's hard to read, but it's a serious vicious circle.

Three types of parents who often belittle their children

Observing many cases around me, I found that parents who often belittle their children can be roughly divided into three categories, I hope you are not . The first type, too-perfect parents say that no one is perfect, but there is always a "perfect" parent who demands that their children be perfect in everything. If any detail is not done, the child will be ridiculed. Children who are "perfect" parents are very tired. They have been instilled in the pursuit of perfection since childhood. If they can't do it, they will not only suffer from their parents' dissatisfaction with themselves, but also think that they are not good enough. The second type is parents who pursue demeaning education, "Look at who is who, how good you are, how come you are not as good as one-tenth of others?" Many people don't like to hear the words "other people's children". Parents who practice demeaning education, even if their children are excellent, they can always pick out the thorns, and use "other people's children" to "fire" their children. In "Youth Talk", a girl said to her mother because her mother always pursued a demeaning education: "Mom, the child is not only good from other people's families, but your own child is also very hardworking, why don't you take a look at it?" When the child shouted this sentence at the mother, it was obvious how much she longed to be affirmed, but the mother did not realize the child's psychological problems, but seriously reasoned with the child. Tell her that she is doing this to make her daughter better. Parents arrogantly depreciate education, thinking that they can use this method to motivate their children to become better, but they don't know that this method will only make children think that they are very poor. Psychologist Fairbairn once said: "When children are treated badly by their parents, in order to maintain the intention of their parents to be good, they will tend to think that they are bad." The third type, parents with inferiority complex A netizen wrote in "What It's Like to Have an Extremely Inferior Father": Being his daughter is really tiring, and I have to be very good before I can be seen by others. Being his daughter cannot be negatively evaluated by any outsider, otherwise he will keep accusing me. To be his daughter, he must protect his face in particular, and there must be no flaws in doing things, otherwise he will feel ashamed. To be his daughter is to constantly force himself to become better for his vanity. The girl's depression can be felt between the lines, but there is such a kind of parent in the world. They have low self-esteem, but in order to make up for or change their low self-esteem, they will keep asking their children to be excellent. If they can't, they will degrade their children and use "parental authority" to gain a kind of "self-esteem". After all, in their world, children are the only "subordinates".

Be yourself first, then be a parent

Parents who always demean their children go back to their roots because they were not treated well. In the memory of Li Sanbo next door, there are always pictures of his parents scolding him, so his education to Brother Li is exactly the same as that of his parents. I don't know, when he was educating Brother Li, did he feel that the current Brother Li was himself who was not treated kindly? Every time I see Sanbo "educates" Brother Li, I always think of a sentence once said by the Japanese writer Isaka Kotaro: "It's really scary to think that you don't have to pass an exam to be a parent." No matter what you have experienced , before you decide to be a parent, you should be yourself first. Maybe for many people, this idea is a bit impractical, but mature people are responsible for themselves and their children. Zhang Dandan, the host of Hunan Satellite TV, became a mother at the age of 36. When she was pregnant with her daughter, she told herself that she had worked hard for 13 years, and now she has left enough time and space to be a good mother. Therefore, when a person is really ready to be a parent, he will go all out for this identity, and have enough patience and reason to educate his children. Instead of being a parent without even doing a good job in yourself, both identities are a mess! Broken thoughts: In fact, those parents who often belittle their children are not essentially not loving their children, but because they have never been loved well, so they don't know how to love their children! (The picture in this article comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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