Negative cues break the wings, and positive cues are the light of a child's life

time:2022-12-02 03:37:20source:monlittlebaby.com author:Diet
Negative cues break the wings, and positive cues are the light of a child's life

Xinxin is a friend of mine. We first met her when she hitched a ride with me. Later, we got acquainted with her and chatted on the way to work every day. What impressed me the most was what he told me in the 1980s, her father-a The story of an ordinary rural old man who sent all his three siblings to college by "bragging". If you have children at home, and you are also figuring out how to educate, please take two minutes to read it patiently, I believe it will also inspire you a lot. Xinxin is 40 years old this year and has two older brothers. Her mother died when she was 9 years old. The eldest brother became the pillar of the family. Why not dad? In her memories, she seemed to have some resentment towards her father. According to her memory, her family was very poor when she was a child, so poor that the neighbors and villagers looked down on it. It can be said to be the poorest family in the entire village. The mother was frail and sickly because of worrying about her family and taking care of her children, and finally passed away from the hardships and pains of life. My father was idle all day, and he could work hard to earn money to support his family, but he was drinking with people all day long and not doing a proper job. Xinxin said that at the time, she felt that her father was very ashamed. He didn't know how to do anything. She said that fortunately, the three brothers and sisters did not follow their father, and all of them were more promising, and now they have become "myths" in the mouths of people in the village after a meal. She said that her eldest brother's score in the high school entrance examination was far higher than that of key high schools, but at that time, technical secondary school was more recognized than high school, and people believed that it was a better way out than high school and university. After graduation, they will be able to allocate employment subsidies to their families. After the news came out, everyone in Shili Ba Village knew that this most backward family had a "scholar", and in the future, the household registration had become a town. After the employment, the eldest brother earned 2,500 per month through hard work, which was a good income in that era, and Xinxin's family situation improved a lot. In recent years, the eldest brother has been doing business well and earns several million a year, but she said that the eldest brother is not very happy. The eldest brother is a literati at heart, and his grades in the high school entrance examination in the same year are much worse than him. Now he is a Tsinghua University student. Professor. Xinxin said that if the eldest brother doesn't have to take care of the family, maybe he can follow his inner choice, and he should be a good scholar now. As she said that, she was full of shame, with tears in her eyes. Then he whispered that if Dad had been diligent at the time, Mom might not have had to leave so early. I don't know how to comfort me. I think my eldest brother and my mother are a microcosm of that era. How many people lost their lives because of poverty and anxiety. How many people have given up their ultimate dream because of material scarcity to have a whole family. Although I have not experienced that era, I can understand a lot of frustration at that time. Then I asked what about the second brother? She was in a better mood and said that the second brother studied well since childhood and was a very smart one. Later, he was easily admitted to a 211 Engineering University in Beijing. Then she was a little proud and said that whether it was her eldest brother's secondary school or when she and her second brother were admitted to university, they all caused a stir in the village. The three brothers and sisters were the few college students who passed the test in Shiliba Village at that time, and many villagers voted for them. With envious eyes, they all said that their ancestral graves were emitting green smoke. It was true that in those days a college student was as rare as a panda, not to mention that all three children of a backward rural family were admitted to college. I am also a little curious, how did an irresponsible father and a frail mother manage to send all three siblings to college so productively at that time? Xinxin said with a smile that she didn't know too well that neither her father's family nor her mother's family were very studious. The reason why he and his two older brothers love to study is probably because of the bullshit his father bragged about. I was astonished. She smiled and said that at that time, her father boasted when he met everyone: "My children will definitely stand out in the future. They are all college students." Said: "I will definitely drive such a car after seeing my child." Such bragging is always on various occasions, but it is always greeted with a burst of cynicism from the villagers, and even the young Xinxin watched it. feel embarrassed. But Xinxin said that it might be because of her father's bragging rights. At a young age, she was determined to be the person her father said in her heart. Although she didn't know how to figure out how to get ahead, what a college student was, she understood that college students must be A better person, a different person from the village, she aspires to be the person in her father's mouth. So study hard from a young age and you must go to university. So while other children are playing carefree, she is changing her destiny by studying hard. She said that although her family was poor at that time, she was very rich in spirit. As long as she was studying, she was shining, and when she thought about going to university in the future, she was full of strength. Xinxin said that she also asked her two brothers why they studied so hard at that time, and they both mentioned the influence of "bragging" with their father. I was lost in thought, is that true? Then I did reverse thinking. What would the fate of the three brothers and sisters be if Dad didn't blow the bulls back then? I think it will probably be no different from other children in the village. Even because of the early death of his mother and his father's unhealthy work, he got into bad habits, and then he quietly farmed the land in that remote village, and then got married and had children. Thinking of this, I not only sighed at my father's wisdom. Maybe he didn't understand this wisdom, but he used it and succeeded. It is the power of suggestion. The so-called power of suggestion is backed up by science. Brain scientist Professor Hong Lan said, "The brain can be changed by language. It will constantly change the distribution of nerves due to external demands." Psychology calls this phenomenon "self-fulfilling prophecy". Suggesting power is most pronounced in children. Because a child will take every word his parents say as his own cognition and concept, which affects his emotional intelligence and character development. How terrifying the power of suggestion. A real program of CCTV's "Psychological Interview", 33 years old is the age of a successful career and the mainstay of the family. However, Fan Jincheng has been at home for 10 years. When asked why, she said desperately, "They cut my wings, but they still blame me for not being able to fly!" It turned out that her parents had been educating her in a repressive manner, and insults like "dogs can do things better than you" often blurted out. Under the long-term blow of her parents, she is cowardly and inferior, and she can't do anything. There is also a story about a little boy who once gave his mother a note after school, telling him that it was given by the teacher. Mom took out a note and read out tearfully, "Your child is a genius, this school is too small for him, there is no good teacher to teach him, I suggest you teach yourself." This child is Edison. After his mother died many years later, Edison turned to the note that read, "Your child is mentally defective. We decided not to let him continue to study. He was officially dropped out." Edison burst into tears after reading it, and later he wrote in his diary. It is written that "Edison was a mentally handicapped child, but his mother transformed him into a century-old genius." It can be seen that the implication is a double-edged sword. Xinxin's father must not understand this, but her language has deeply affected the three siblings. Although he is not a qualified father, his positive and optimistic attitude towards life and repeated verbal hints have given the three brothers and sisters signs of changing their fates. have a better future. I think the most important thing in education is suggestion. Negative suggestion is the corrosive agent of the soul, and positive suggestion will become the light of a lifetime. The pictures are all from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete!
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