After the children who were yelled at and those who were not yelled grew up, the gap in 6 aspects became wider and wider

time:2022-10-02 author:Common phenomenon
After the children who were yelled at and those who were not yelled grew up, the gap in 6 aspects became wider and wider

Wen|Ying Ma's neighbor's Tiantian was really a little sweet girl when she was a child, she was very cute, just ask anyone! But after she went to primary school, the roar of Hedong often heard from her family, because Tiantian was very slow in her homework, and she often wrote the wrong homework carelessly. Her mother was a schoolmaster herself, and she had very strict requirements for her children's learning. The tutoring assignments were all frantic and could only shout loudly. When I was in the second grade of elementary school, I found that Tiantian seemed to have changed a person. When I see people who like to keep their heads down, I become very timid and cowardly. In the past, we often heard Tiantian singing and dancing in the community for parents to watch, but now Tiantian rarely even comes out to play in the community. Yelling at children seems to be an indispensable part of many parenting education, but in fact, yelling at children is a form of verbal violence, and the negative impact on children is very large.

A child who is yelled at and who is not yelled will widen the gap in these aspects when he grows up

The first Aspects: IQ A person's IQ is related to his memory response ability, etc., and children who have been yelled at since childhood will have a lower IQ! An 11-year study by Harvard University showed that children who were repeatedly yelled at by their parents for a long time suffered from damage to the structure of the brain, especially the areas of memory, concentration, emotional management and thinking. And the damage is irreversible! That is to say, when your child is young, you use language violence for a little bit of homework and want to strictly demand your child, but you don’t know that this will affect your child’s IQ. If you want your child’s academic performance to be good, it may be just the opposite. The second aspect: Children who are timid and often yelled at, have very low self-esteem in their hearts, easily become timid, and dare not express themselves. We say that it is good to do more and do more mistakes, but children often worry behind their back that they will make mistakes, so they simply don’t do it, so they are very timid. For a child, trial and error is the key to his growth. If parents are gentle with their children's various behaviors, they will let the children dare to try and make mistakes, which will make the children more courageous and able to get more exercise. The third aspect: Grumpy Some children are just like firecrackers, and they are very irritable, while some children are more mild-mannered. When encountering something, they should calm down and think about the solution first, instead of being violent first. . Parents often yelled when they were young. In fact, when the child was yelling, it was the parents' own anger that burst out, and the child received this kind of education from an early age. As long as things don't develop in their own direction, they start to get angry. It will teach children how to deal with things in this way, and they will become grumpy when they grow up. Children who have not been yelled at since childhood will have a milder temper when encountering things. The fourth aspect: children are prone to rebellion. Children are yelled at by their parents when they are young, and they can only endure it secretly, because they do not have enough strength to fight their parents, and when the oppressed child grows up, he has enough strength to fight When confronting his parents, he became very rebellious, not because he had to do it, but because he felt that confronting his parents gave him a sense of accomplishment. The fifth aspect: the child's pleasing personality The child with the pleasing personality will not refuse others. This is actually a good person. For example, in the workplace, a colleague loses a lot of work before finishing his work, but he does not dare to refuse at all. , because he is afraid that the rejection will affect the interpersonal relationship. In his opinion, it is good that his colleagues do not yell at him or scold him, so he hopes to be better to his colleagues and maintain such a seemingly peaceful relationship. Children who have been yelled at since childhood are more likely to form a pleasing personality, and children who have not been yelled at since childhood know where their bottom line is and their own boundaries. The sixth aspect: the child's concept of right and wrong A child who has been yelled at since childhood, as long as the parent yells, he will subconsciously feel that he has done something wrong, but if the parent does not yell at him, he will think that I must have done nothing wrong, it is very difficult Let children form a correct view of right and wrong. And children who have not been yelled at since childhood can gradually understand what is right and what is wrong in the gentle language of their parents, and better form their own views of right and wrong. Don't think it's okay to apologize after yelling at the child. Washington University professor Gottman has a classic study of 5:1 ratio: do 5 good things to make up for the harm caused by a bad word or bad thing! So when parents hold back their temper and want to get angry, they go to the balcony to take a deep breath and tell their own, their own, stop yelling at their children!
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