There are four types of parents who think that they are good for their children but it turns out to be the opposite. See if there are you

time:2022-12-02 12:24:07source:monlittlebaby.com author:Baby bones
There are four types of parents who think that they are good for their children but it turns out to be the opposite. See if there are you

The Neglected Child by Jonice Webb, a pioneer in the field of childhood emotional neglect in the United States and a clinical psychologist, reveals 12 types of parents who are prone to emotional neglect, including narcissistic parents, authoritarian parents, indulgent parents parents, divorced/widowed parents, addicted parents, depressed parents, workaholic parents, parents caring for an injured or sick family member, achievement/perfection-oriented parents, sociopathic parents, children are parents, "it's all for you" "good" parents. Among them, workaholic parents, parents who take care of injured and sick families, etc., are well-known and obvious at a glance. However, there are four types of parents who, although they also ignore their children's emotions but are hard to detect, still think they are good to their children and pour their emotions into their children. The first type: Parents like narcissistic parents are generally very good in the eyes of everyone. They are either highly educated, or high-income, successful in their careers, and there are a lot of praise and applause around them. These parents are very narcissistic, always have high demands on their children, feel that their children are always inferior to themselves, and unknowingly hurt their children. Watson, the famous psychologist who founded behaviorist psychology, has made great achievements in his life, but his children suffered life tragedy because of his "arrogance". The eldest son committed suicide at the age of 30 due to depression. The second daughter and the youngest son are also depressed. The daughter committed suicide many times and failed. The youngest son lives a homeless life and needs relief from Watson to survive. Watson educates children in a mechanized way. He believes that children are a blank piece of paper, and the parent can scribble on it at will according to their own expectations, and shape the children into what they expect, but he failed, although his behaviorism It became an influential branch of psychology at the time, and his research also contributed to the development of psychology. After all, children and their parents are different individuals after all. They have their own unique temperament, and it is not that parents can arbitrarily pinch them into whatever they like like "pinch mud". The growth of a child requires the respect and affection of the parents. Narcissistic parents often see themselves more and see their wishes. A couple with high IQ, dedicated to cultivating an outstanding son, when their son was in the second grade of primary school, they trained their child in math Olympiad, but the child was not them and did not have the talent for mathematics. As a result, the child not only could not learn, but also feared mathematics. There is a math test at school, and the child suffers from stomach pain and diarrhea. At the same time, children become extremely timid and cowardly, and have no emotional connection to their parents except for fear. The second type: Most of the parents of authoritarian parents believe that their children must be strictly disciplined and taught, have high standards and strict requirements for their children, and often use their own power to oppress or threaten their children, so that the children respect and obey themselves, and have no respect for their children. Explanation, lack of tolerance, the result is that the child is not assertive, has a personality defect, or is rebellious, ranging from conflict with parents, and endangering society at worst. The daughter in the TV series "Female Psychologist" suffered from bulimia due to her mother's strict control and control, and also developed a dangerous social personality of "one set before others and one set after others". In recent years, the rate of juvenile delinquency has shown an upward trend. When investigating the reasons for juvenile delinquency, it is found that there are not a few children who have taken the road of delinquency and crime due to the authoritarian parenting model resulting in antisocial personality. The most typical cases are the Qingdao murder case and the Nanjing murder case. The daughter of the Qingdao murder case was still underage. After strangling her mother with a ribbon, she put her mother in a suitcase, then locked the door and stayed with her mother's body for two days and one night until someone called the police and the police broke into the door. . When the police asked her about the motive for the murder, the daughter said that she was afraid of being scolded by her mother because she failed in the exam... The son of the Nanjing murder case was only a middle school student. He was lectured and scolded by his mother while doing his homework. The mother killed her, then went to the classmate's house to stay overnight. After she went to school the next day, she told the head teacher and surrendered herself under the persuasion of the head teacher... If the mothers in these two cases did not behave in an authoritarian way with their children, the children would not be A seemingly small thing is "maddened" and cruel to the mother. Although this is only a typical case in life, because of the authoritarian parents, children and parents quarrel and hostile can be seen almost everywhere. But the parents do not know the reason, they keep saying that they are very good to their children, but the children are too rebellious. The third type: achievement/perfection-oriented parents have only one educational guidance for their children, which is “toward success”. They do not allow children to be ordinary, and in the process of children's growth, they pursue "elite education". To strive for the first place in reading exams, you must not go beyond the rules in your daily affairs. They are strict and meticulous, almost using a "magnifying glass" to pick out their children's shortcomings. Their greatest wish is to make their children perfect day by day. I know a mother who is a perfectionist herself. After having a child, she applies the pursuit of perfection to her child. She was staring at the children as they did their homework. Because the child made a wrong stroke, she could order the child to rewrite it all, and not just once. The child scored 99 points in the exam, but she was still angry. She asked the child why he lost a point, and asked the child to review and retake the test under her supervision to ensure that there were no mistakes. Children live in trepidation, always afraid of making mistakes. In elementary school, the children are just fine. After entering junior high school, with the increase of schoolwork, the child could not adapt to the mother's requirements, and finally "laid down" and did not learn, from the "learning god" expected by the mother to the "learning scum". Achievement/perfection-oriented parents don't expect their children to be excellent, but rather hope that their children's halo illuminates them, just like the mother in the movie "Cat's Children" said: "I am a person, I have no great achievements in this life, just I hope my child can achieve something." But her child still went to extremes. Some psychologists have said: "Perfect personality" parents, children are more prone to psychological problems. The fourth type: "It's all for you" parents, under the guise of "It's all for you", go against the wishes of the child, distort the child's will, make the child at a loss, lose the enthusiasm and motivation to work hard, end up destroying the child. There has been a saying on the Internet: "There is a kind of coldness that makes parents feel cold." Many times parents have love for their children, but such love is not what children need or expect. The neighbor's child likes art, but his parents think that art has no future. Not only do they not let the child learn, but they also enroll the child in a programming class that the child has no interest in, forcing the child to learn, because the parents feel that learning programming will have a better future, and everything is for the child it is good. But the child was very bad in the end, art was discarded, and programming was not learned well. Children are depressed and parents are disappointed. Chinese-style parents have a common problem. When a child has a problem, the root cause must be that the child is not good and ignorant. Not happy? In the hearts of these parents, it is not important whether the child is currently happy or not, what is important is to arrange the child according to the existing experience. They believe that children will one day understand that "all for your own good", which they did not expect to be unsuitable for children, has actually wronged and ruined children. "It's all for your own good" is nothing but emotional neglect under the fig leaf. Psychologists have said: "Every child with problems reflects an inappropriate way of family education." Parents' emotional neglect is the greatest violence in education, which is extremely detrimental and harmful to children's growth. Parents Be sure to pay attention! Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it),
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