Cultivate children's self-discipline, the most taboo of these two points

time:2022-10-07 21:13:57source:monlittlebaby.com author:Sneeze
Cultivate children's self-discipline, the most taboo of these two points

Author: Qian Zhiliang Source: Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlzgs) The summer vacation is coming to an end, and parents are complaining in the WeChat group that their children can't control themselves during the vacation. I have been procrastinating and not writing, watching TV and playing mobile phones all day long... There was a poll on Weibo on "how to spend holidays for primary and secondary school students". The results showed that 80% of children chose to sleep, eat, and play games. fill life. "It's not that children should not be allowed to play, and entertainment must be moderated. I can't stand staring at the mobile phone TV all the time." "There is no plan for the holiday at all. It is too difficult for children to learn self-discipline!" I understand the mood very well, cultivating children's self-discipline is a difficult long-term project. In the process, when the child is lazy and disobedient, it is easy to make people anxious and crazy. There are two most common mistakes that parents must avoid in order to make their children self-disciplined! Constantly nagging and urging to visit a friend's house before, his child is in the second year of high school and the third year of high school. I observed that my friend's nagging to the child has hardly stopped all day: after 10 am, I went to the child's room to urge the child to get up, "It's not even up yet!" Playing games, right? What’s so fun about this game, it’s just games in my head all day long.” When eating, “Show me a book after dinner, it’s going to be my third year in high school, and I don’t know what to worry about.” The 17-year-old boy, big He looked like he was lifeless, couldn't say a few words to his parents, and when he listened to his parents' nagging, he didn't refute. I asked my friend, "Have you been urging him to study and do things like this?" My friend sighed and said helplessly, "There's no way! I didn't realize it since I was a child, and asked us to remind and urge him every day, such an adult. , I don't feel enlightened yet, and I don't know how to worry about my own affairs." I said to him, "Have you ever thought that it was you who reversed the cause and effect, and it was because you always reminded and nagged him that Make it impossible for him to develop the habit of self-discipline?" Parents expect their children to be independent and independent, but they are not at ease, they love to be anxious, they have to remind and urge their children in major and small matters, and interfere too much. As everyone knows, nagging and urging over and over again may make the child act at the time, but the long-term effect is to hinder the child from moving towards self-discipline. The nagging and urging of parents are essentially taking the responsibility of the child onto themselves, making the child form a psychological dependence, not knowing how to take responsibility for himself, not thinking about what time he should do, and his initiative getting worse and worse. Children who lack initiative will lack motivation to organize their own affairs and make themselves better and better. Therefore, it is best for parents to discuss and formulate appropriate rules together from a young age to replace repeated nagging and urging. For example, when you get home from school, do your homework first and then play; you can only play mobile phones and watch TV for no more than 20 minutes on Saturdays... The power of habit is huge, especially when you are a child to help children under the guidance and constraints of rules Establishing good habits is very effective in developing children's self-discipline. Dr. Robert Marzano, an American education expert, believes: "When students set goals for learning, the perceived value of the task will mobilize intrinsic motivation." Parents help children set appropriate goals, which will mobilize children's enthusiasm and consciousness. A combination of phased goals, long-term goals, and dreams can be used. For example, the mathematics of the mid-term exam is improved by 5 points; after the summer vacation, I have finished practicing a copybook and memorized a word book; I have read 30 books in a year; I want to become an illustrator when I grow up... In 2009, the news that parents installed cameras to monitor their children's learning was frequently reported: a 14-year-old boy in Jiangsu called the police, saying that his father had installed cameras in his room to monitor him and violated his privacy. The boy's father said angrily, "What am I monitoring you? Who am I? How much privacy do you have? I can't monitor you?" Come up with a way to supervise your child. There is also a mother who monitors whether her daughter reads books on time through the camera, and even talks to her daughter through the intercom function of the mobile phone: "Sit up straight." "What book are you reading? Why are you watching cartoons again? Pause!" The child No matter how small, it is an equal and independent individual and needs to be respected. Parents lack respect for their children and often criticize and deny them; they always suspect that their children are lazy, playful, and not serious; long-term strict control and forcing children to learn... These practices will make children feel that they are not trusted and disappointing , is a failure and useless person, low self-worth, inner depression. This kind of negative and negative self-perception and psychological state makes it easier for children to give up on themselves and lose the motivation to make themselves better. Self-discipline is based on the recognition of self-worth. A child with self-esteem and self-confidence has more strength to overcome inertia, manage his own behavior, and gradually form self-discipline. Therefore, the key to cultivating children's self-discipline is to give children enough respect and trust. Strict control will only cause children's rebellion and resistance. Treat the child as an adult and have an equal dialogue, respect his thoughts and feelings, discuss something, and give the child more encouragement and affirmation. Don't control the child too tightly, give the child enough free space, believe that he can arrange his own affairs, believe that he is a self-conscious child, and use words and behaviors to convey trust in him. As American psychologist Dr. Thomas Gordon said in his book P.E.T. Parental Effectiveness Training: Awakening Children's Self-discipline: "Young people who understand self-control tend to have some freedom because they have the opportunity to decide and Choice.” Without freedom, there can be no self-discipline. Parents should give their children more rights to make choices and decisions, so that children will know how to be responsible for their own behavior. Children are more motivated and motivated to decide things by themselves, and they will also have demands on themselves. In addition, parental role models have a positive impact on children's self-discipline formation. Parents themselves are self-disciplined people and have high requirements for what they do. Children will form a sense of self-discipline in the presence of their own eyes and ears, and live and learn according to their parents. This article is reproduced in Qian Zhiliang's studio (ID: qzlzgs), author | Qian Zhiliang, a famous teacher in Beijing Normal University. Focus on special education, family education, early childhood education. He is the author of "Knowing Before Enrollment", "Scientific Early Education", "140 Chinese Characters Learned in Urgent Need" and so on.
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