Is your child a "hollow man"? With these four manifestations, parents should be vigilant

time:2022-12-09 08:57:36source:monlittlebaby.com author:Maternal-Child Nursing
Is your child a "hollow man"? With these four manifestations, parents should be vigilant

Author: Chunyu Cuckoo Source: Satiryuer (ID: satiryuer) Let children live out their own vitality, this is the best parenting. I saw a mother's request for help on Zhihu, and I was deeply moved. She said that she was very scared, no matter what she said to her son, his reaction was flat! Although her son is only 10 years old, her eyes are cold... Once, this mother had a fever and should have needed someone to take care of her, but when her son came home from school, not only did he ignore the sick mother who was bedridden, but also He opened his mouth and said, "Is your meal ready? I'm starving to death!" The son didn't care about his family at all, he just wanted to satisfy his appetite, which made his mother feel chilled and helpless. The mother sighed: "Why did I raise a hollow man's son!" Yes, raising children, parents exhausted countless efforts, but they didn't realize it, but they got such results, I'm afraid it would be uncomfortable for anyone else. And "hollow" children like him actually exist in many families, but their parents haven't noticed it yet. These children, on the surface, seem to be living step by step, but their hearts are extremely lacking and empty, like robots with "heartless". "Hollow" child, what is missing? How can a good child have no "heart"? If you take a closer look, you will find that many children behave this way in life. 1) Apathy and lack of empathy A boy on the Internet beat his mother in public because his mother didn't buy him a mobile phone. I saw the boy tugging at his mother's hair, waving his arms, and smashing his fists frantically at his mother's head. The brutality was simply outrageous. He can even treat his own mother so fiercely, I don't know what his heart has turned into. Children's emotions and gratitude are devoured, lacking empathy and love for others, and only material, greed and their own needs are left in their eyes. 2) Loss of emotional perception Many friends complained about it, and they had almost zero communication with their children on weekdays. When the child comes home from school, in addition to bowing his head and grabbing the rice, it is the response of "um, good, yes". They are often expressionless, they don't laugh or get angry, they are not interested in anything, and their favorite is to keep themselves in the room and hide alone. They treat things very calmly, and their emotions rarely fluctuate and change. 3) No ideas and goals. Children are busy studying, remedial knowledge, completing homework, and coping with exams every day, but they don’t know where they are going. They only know how to bow their heads and hurry, but feel at a loss for the future. There is a "985 waste group" on the Internet. After getting high scores in the test and entering the gate of a famous school, they still lament that they are like "waste" and achieve nothing. This passive learning driven by external forces makes them not know what their goals are and what their inner love is. 4) The child has a low sense of self-worth in the bottom of his heart, lacks self-identification, and often thinks that he is not important and does not matter. Due to living in a negatively evaluated family environment for a long time, they have been criticized, criticized and even verbally attacked, and they have become very inferior, self-constrained, and self-deprecating. Their self-esteem and self-confidence are constantly suppressed, they can't find their own value and the meaning of existence, and their ego is shrinking and small. The child's heart, why is it lost? Xu Kaiwen, a Ph.D. in psychology from Peking University, once pointed out in a lecture: "The root cause of children's hollow heart disease is parents' anxiety." When parents do not have a strong enough heart to face the challenges and changes in society, serious problems will occur. sense of crisis. This sense of crisis is reflected in the parental education method, which is to constantly arrange, overweight, and whip the child to drive the child forward. In fact, children's body and mind follow stages and sequences. After being forced to pull the seedlings and encourage them, it will lead to a fault in body and mind and ability, and they will feel powerless, helpless, and confused. In the TV series "You Without Secrets", the girl Gu Siyu once fell into a "hollow state". She was born in a legal family, and her father was a well-known presiding judge. In such an environment, Gu Siyu was born with high hopes. Her father planned a life course for her early, and she will become a professional lawyer in the future. Therefore, he strictly required his daughter to achieve full marks in each exam, for fear that the child would not take a stable step and miss the bright future in the future. Under the high-pressure indoctrination of her father, Gu Siyu has not enjoyed the space of herself since she was a child, and her childhood was filled with her father's exhortations and criticisms. Rather than saying that Gu Siyu is a social elite, it is better to say that she is more like a "machine" created by her father after setting the procedures and steps. She only needs to complete the planned tasks. In her heart, no one has ever paid attention and care, and gradually lost her sense of existence. A child in a "hollow" state was thus spawned by the anxiety of his parents. Psychologist Winnicott once put forward the concept of "true self" and "false self". The so-called "true self" is the self built around one's own feelings; while the "false self" is the self built around the feelings of others. If a child pleases his parents everywhere and controls his behavior with his parents' will, he has only a "false self" in his heart. He could not find his own feelings and will, and he was trapped in the wishes of his parents all his life. This kind of difficulty and pandering causes the child to lose control over the self, blur the perception of the self, and create a "hollow" individual. Please bring back the "heart" of the child. From birth, the mission of every child is to develop into a rich and unique self under the strong self-awareness. The responsibility of parents is not to kidnap this soul, but to encourage children to follow their own hearts and find their own path. To achieve this goal, parents can try to do the following three things. 1) Slow down the pace and stop forcing children. Perhaps many parents know that our children are mostly ordinary people, and only a very small number of them can become dragons and phoenixes. It is already a great dream to let children have a happy and happy life. Parents really don't have to force their children to "desperate", otherwise, they must regret it. In the movie "Family Journey", father Frank exclaimed after visiting the lives of his four children in his twilight years: "If you give me another chance, I will not be so harsh on them." Only the parents slowed down and urged Only by throwing away the whip in his hand can the child slow down the pace, follow his own heart, and find his heart's belonging. 2) Seeing the light in the eyes of children In the documentary "Little Boys", the boy Yin Ran has a unique "hobby". He is immersed in the world of insects and studies insects without any distractions. For many parents, this kind of hobby may be regarded as an unprofessional work, but Yin Ran's parents are very supportive of their son and respect his hobbies and choices. It is precisely because of this invaluable understanding that this "alternative" boy has been focusing on his own fun and exploring every treasure of the insect world with great interest. In fact, every child has their own talents and interests. Allowing children to shine in the field they love can awaken their inner drive and make their hearts beat vigorously. 3) Trusting the ability of children is out of love. We always want to do everything we can for our children to avoid detours and somersaults. But the price of growth is to develop stronger wings after repeated stumbles and mistakes. If parents never trust their children, they will eventually fail to learn to walk on their own, to take responsibility, to care for others, and to develop into empathetic and loving people. Believe that your child is capable enough to be responsible for himself, to take care of himself, and to deal with problems independently. This trust can help a fragile and powerless child to find a sense of value and achievement, become stronger and stronger, and radiate positive energy to others. Education scholar Zhang Wenzhi once mentioned in the book "Milk, Honey, and Salt" that in addition to "milk" centered on love and "honey" centered on encouragement and appreciation, children's growth must also be cultivated The "salt" of character and intellect. Be grateful, know how to care for others, and become responsible people; let them feel their worth and truly love themselves; find their life dreams and pursue them with determination and passion. May our children have these qualities and wisdom, and under the nourishment of respect and freedom, their hearts will be full and hot, and their own vitality will bloom. 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