"Don't listen to your mother"! The child who has been educated with heart is taken away, who cares about the child and who is the sinner?

time:2023-02-07 09:49:53source:monlittlebaby.com author:Maternal-Child Nursing
"Don't listen to your mother"! The child who has been educated with heart is taken away, who cares about the child and who is the sinner?

According to the survey of "who bears more responsibility for education", the results show that 46.9% of people choose mother, 28.7% of people choose both parents, and 13% of people choose father. What are you most afraid of when you discipline your children? Tang Mom, like many parents, is not afraid that the child will not be obedient, but that the "adults" in the family will not be obedient. Sugar Mom has received similar private messages more than once. Some parents feel that it is easier to discipline their children alone. If there are other people in the family, the children will always be "wooed" away.

The whole family "supported" the child, and the mother became the "bad guy" in the end

There was a mother who privately messaged me about her situation , To sum up, she is most concerned about the child's learning and upbringing in the whole family, but she is the worst person in the child's heart. One particularly classic example is the question of feeding children. The child is approaching the age of kindergarten, and he always runs around while eating, holding snacks on the table. In order to exercise the child's good eating habits, Bao's mother never follows her child to feed, and confiscates the child's snacks before eating. Although the child burst into tears, he obeyed obediently. At this time, Bao Ma's husband and in-laws stood up to take care of the children. The husband said that there were still several months before going to kindergarten, so he was not in a hurry to exercise. The mother-in-law picked up the rice bowl to feed the child, and said to the child while feeding: "Don't listen to mother, my eldest grandson is only a few years old, grandma feeds you"; only the father-in-law said weakly: "It's time to take care of it", Bao Bao Mom was so angry that she didn't even eat. It's not the first time something like this has happened. Seeing her child dislike her, Momma is really helpless.

"Covering education" is common, and it is difficult for parents to be good people

Have you experienced similar education methods? This is not only the case when mothers bring their children, the phenomenon of "who cares about the children and who is the sinner" is widespread. The junk food that the mother does not let the child eat, the elderly at home secretly buy it for the child. Bad habits are about to be changed with great difficulty, but there are always people who pamper children. A mother laughed at herself, saying that she disciplined her children more seriously and became what everyone calls a "tigress", while her husband usually ignores the children, but always "sings the opposite" to me at critical moments. Regardless of others, they will only use doting and support to "win" the child and become a "big hero" in the child's heart. He is a good person and hard to be a good person, and even treated as an enemy by his children. This leads to an unbalanced phenomenon. Whether the child makes a big mistake or a small mistake, the first reaction is not sophistry and fear. Instead, he ran behind the person who supported him and stuck out his tongue to anger people. One person is strict and the other is gentle. This approach seems to be balanced, forming the so-called "Strict Father and Mother" or "Strict Father and Mother" pattern. In fact, this kind of "coaching education" can temporarily draw the child's heart over and stabilize him. However, the drawbacks of this dismantling behavior in the process are a major obstacle to educating children.

Who cares who is the sinner? The disadvantages are more than a little.

One person wants to discipline the child, and the other feels sorry for the child to be criticized. The starting point is to love the child. But when the two meet at an inopportune time, there are many disadvantages. The child's bad habits are constantly magnified. The idea of ​​the mother in front is to let the child fully develop good habits before going to kindergarten, and there is nothing wrong with setting the amount in advance. The obstruction of the family will only make the child's irregular diet become more and more serious, and he will not be able to eat by himself. Not only is it difficult to adapt to kindergarten in the future, but it is also bad for your health. Adults do not have "authority", and children do not respect their parents. Whether it is mother, father, or a child who is being disciplined by the elderly at home, the family will come forward to stop it every time a rule is established, and it is not advisable to "win" the child away with support. This can lead to the child not recognizing his own mistakes and disrespecting the parent who disciplines him. And the person who "woos" the child away may not necessarily get more love from the child. Years later, when the child grows up, facing the bottomless doting of the parents, he will even say the classic sentence - why did you ignore me back then. Families are in jeopardy This educational model not only fails to help children grow, but also strains the relationship between parents. Originally it was just a small mistake by the child, but there were constant quarrels between the adults. The family atmosphere is not good, and the problems that were easy to solve have been magnified, which is not conducive to the growth of children and brings more negative effects.

Disciplining children should not become "sinners", how should parents cooperate?

Disciplining children is indeed not an easy task. Not everyone does it exactly right, but it must be an inappropriate behavior to "tear down". To avoid the drawbacks of coercive education affecting children, pay attention to these things. 1) Discuss with your family in advance if you don’t want others to interfere, and before you start educating your children, say to your family: “I am going to exercise some abilities of the children, please cooperate”. In this way, we will be stricter when educating children, and family members will be psychologically prepared. They will not block them because they are temporarily protecting their children or being nervous, and maybe they can cooperate with "acting". 2) The person who wants to stop the person who really disciplines the child is very easy to lose control of his emotions and become angry, and he can't help scolds the child or does something. Family members can't sing the opposite, but don't stand idly by. When they find that he is emotional or has a hands-on behavior, they can stop him at this time to prevent the child from being hurt. But at the same time, pay attention not to condemn his behavior, but to comfort his emotions, otherwise more intense quarrels will easily break out. Candy's mother said in her heart: educating children should not be a matter of one person, but when multiple people educate children together, but do not know how to cooperate with each other, the disadvantages brought will have adverse effects on the growth of children. Everyone is a parent for the first time. I believe that the various behaviors in the past are not right, not the original intention, and it is too late to make changes now. [Today's topic] Is there a situation of "coupling education" in your family?
Related content