Most confident children have parents who know how to "show weakness"

time:2023-02-03 14:31:16source:monlittlebaby.com author:Make one's mouth water
Most confident children have parents who know how to "show weakness"

A few days ago, I saw a very enlightening scene in the vegetable market. A boy about 11 or 12 years old was accompanying his mother to buy vegetables. Rather than saying that he accompanies his mother to buy vegetables, it is better to say that his mother accompanies him to buy vegetables. The boy's mother just stood by the boy's side holding the bag, and it was entirely up to the boy to pick and choose in front of the vegetable stall. While picking vegetables, the boy explained the reason to his mother: "Bitter gourd is very fresh. Now it's hot, so fry the bitter gourd with eggs and put it on the fire." The boy's mother smiled and just helped the boy pretend he picked it out. of bitter gourd. After picking the bitter gourd, the boy picked up the tomatoes on the side and said again: "Eat bitter gourd and stir-fry a tomato, it's sour, just right for the appetizer." The boy's performance surprised me so much that I couldn't help but ask: " Little kid, why are you so amazing?" Hearing my compliment, the boy's mother couldn't help laughing: "He started learning how to cook very early, and now he cooks all our meals." Hearing the boy I was even more surprised when my mother said that. Looking at my expression, the boy's mother said again: "Children are smart now. He learns to mix ingredients and cook from others on his mobile phone. He can do better than me and his father." After chatting with me for a while, I left. Watching their backs leave, I was lost in thought. What makes an eleven- or twelve-year-old boy so capable and well-behaved? I noticed a saying from his mother: "It's better than me and his father." In Wu Zhihong's psychology course, he shared many cases. There are many teachers and highly educated people who are often very good themselves, but the children they educate show lack of self-confidence. The main reason is that because they are relatively successful, they think that they have very rich experience. In the process of educating children, they will inevitably curb their children's independent choices and think that children cannot make correct judgments. In this process of being constantly denied, the child gradually became less and less confident. What is impressive is the example of a girl: a girl who graduated from a prestigious school and has a beautiful appearance, but she did not even dare to speak at a company meeting. Every time she was notified of a meeting, it made her very anxious. The reason behind this is that her mother is very good and she was very strict with her when she was a child. Her every opinion and every achievement will be flattened to nothing by her mother. Even if she discussed some social hotspots, her mother would say: "You don't think about it comprehensively." "What you think about can be thought of by others, and you need to pay attention to other issues." The mother's rich experience and high achievements make Mothers are obsessed with denying their children's ideas, and are dedicated to letting their children follow their own ideas, thinking that only in this way can their children succeed. What she didn't understand was that the baby elephant, who was imprisoned by the thin iron chain since childhood, could not break free of the thin iron chain when he grew up. So, when there is a strong parent in the family, what does the child lose? There is such an example in the variety show "Juvenile Talk" who can never get out of the shadow of their parents and become a child's inner knot. A girl stood on the rooftop, crying and complaining loudly to her mother: "Why do you always compare me with other classmates, why you never see my efforts." His mother's response was cold, she said: "Actually, I have been hitting you all the time. If you don't hit you, you will float away." When her daughter told her mother that her behavior was inappropriate, the mother still insisted on her own ideas, saying: "When you are strong, I feel like I'm going to slap you, and when you're weak, I feel like I'm going to push you." Finally, finding her mother's thoughts, her daughter, who couldn't change it, could only walk down the stage crying. This whole process is not difficult to see, the mother's practice has caused great discomfort and grievance to the child. If you don't do it well, children refuse to try new things and new skills. Many children actually have an interest in trying new things and new skills at the beginning, but this interest often disappears because of the blow. One of my neighbors' kids did this when they tried cooking for the first time. Washing, chopping, pickling, etc. are all done very slowly, and the ingredients that have not been fried are placed in a mess, making the kitchen look very disordered. The child's mother couldn't stand it at all: "Can't you put away the basin for washing vegetables while cooking?" "You've made a mess in the kitchen." "The meat is old and hard, so you can't beat an egg first. Qing, do you want to put some starch?" When my neighbor told me about this, I thought that her child would not want to cook in the future. And sure enough, the neighbor's child tried a few more times and didn't cook any more. My neighbor also said that this child has no perseverance and can't do anything well. It is better to take detours than to communicate with parents, to create estrangement with parents, to turn to parents for help when children encounter setbacks, this should be one of the important ways to strengthen the density of parent-child relationship, but some strong parents who are eager to teach their children often make it change. The cause of estrangement. They are often very anxious: "If you can't do this little thing well, what else can you do?" Some netizens once shared such a case: He said that as a child's father, he was always very helpful when he was tutoring his children's homework. strict. Every time, he always catches the child's mistakes and asks the child to correct it. Even if the child's writing is not enough, he asks the child to erase and rewrite the homework. As a result, when the child is doing homework, as soon as he sees him, he will take the homework book and go to other places. The task of tutoring homework became tutored by the mother, and as a result, the child's grades became better and better. The reason for this is that the child is encouraged by the education of the mother who is not so strong, and his interest in learning has increased, and his academic performance will naturally go up. According to the research of MAC Psychology, all human behaviors are to avoid pain. There are many powerful parents who limit their children's right to choose, and make children feel more frustrations at the beginning of their attempts. The child's heart is depressed, lonely, frustrated, afraid of being hit again, and has a negative opinion about himself, so naturally he is reluctant to try and loses self-confidence. On the road of growth, every step is meaningful, and none of those destined sufferings can’t be avoided. After all, this is growth. If parents are a little more lenient with their children and behave a little "weaker" in front of them, allowing children to have self-judgment and the opportunity to feedback progress from the results, children can achieve real success and growth. From this point of view, in family life and education, parents are less "strong" and show weakness reasonably, which is of great benefit to children. Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and carries her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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