When parents quarrel, "sensible" children are the most distressed

time:2022-12-05 04:29:39source:monlittlebaby.com author:Baby care
When parents quarrel, "sensible" children are the most distressed

Some time ago, my sister and my cousin-in-law kept quarreling for various reasons, and even reached the point of "divorce". Their children are already in high school, and they will face the college entrance examination soon in another year. The child told me that he is used to this kind of quarrel, and his parents will sooner or later. divorced. When the child said these words, I could hardly see any light in his eyes, and there was disappointment and compromise in his eyes. After saying these words, the child silently walked to the study and closed the door, leaving the parents to quarrel outside the door. My cousin once cried and told me that her children were very sensible and never willful. Every time they quarreled, the children would read books in the study silently. Everything in life depended on themselves. Parents quarrel, is the child's "sensible" really sensible? When parents quarrel, behind the child's seemingly "sensible" state is actually helplessness, forbearance and fear. Can young children really pretend to be flawless? This feeling will stay with the child as he grows up. Sure enough, when my cousin saw me again, she cried to me, and received a call from the child's head teacher, saying that the child's grades have dropped recently. It used to be the top five in the class, but now the last ten, and the college entrance examination is about to happen. Such a change. Parents must pay attention. When parents are arguing, they look at each other with ugly faces. They can't wait to hack each other to death with knives. Facing the crying of the innocent children next to them is even more annoying. This will make children feel fearful, even self-doubt, and feel that the fault is their own, and that it must be their own cause for the discord between their parents. Over time, there will be loneliness, a vicious state such as being out of place, declining grades, and inattention. The psychological changes of children when parents quarrel say that emotions are contagious. It is true that children's emotions are also affected by parents. For example, parents raise their tone during quarrels, distort their faces, and throw things when they are irritable... What psychological changes will it bring to the child? 1. Fear The normal person's tone of speech is neither fast nor slow, his tone is neither high nor low, his behavior is dignified and generous, his facial expressions are soothing and friendly... But when people are emotional, or even quarrel, all of the above are changing. When a person's emotional behavior is abnormal, his usual impression in the person's mind is changed, and then a sense of fear is generated. At this time, the children dare not express their emotions, so they can only swallow the emotions into their stomachs, digest them slowly, and accumulate over time. When the negative emotions are only input but not output, they will eventually erupt one day. 2. Feeling of guilt when a child quarrels, both parents dislike each other, and even get angry at the child's naughty behavior. The parents who were originally angry vent their old hatred and new hatred on the child, so that Deep down, children think that they are not attractive to their parents. For parents, children are separate individuals when they grow up, but for children, parents are their eternal dependence and the source of all needs. If parents are unhappy, it means that "parents don't love me anymore". Going a step further of "My parents may not love me anymore". 3. Silence When children see their parents quarreling in the early stage, the children may become emotional and cry loudly, but when the parents quarrel in front of the children for many times, the children will become numb over time, and gradually will be closed I, my temperament has changed greatly, it is not easy to trust people, so I become taciturn. A good family atmosphere is the basis for shaping a person's good character, and it is the guarantee for building a good personality. I have seen a series of movies, which are slightly scary and terrifying. The name is "Silence of the Lambs". The male protagonist in the film is a taciturn man. people, but have a special hobby - cannibalism. Here "cannibalism" is what you understand by eating human flesh, abducting others, then eating their internal organs, dismembering their limbs and cooking them, and even inviting friends to have a "human flesh feast" without their knowledge. Incredible. In the first part, I introduced the childhood experience of the protagonist Hannibal. He was abused by his stepmother when he was young, and lived in the shadow of fear and helplessness for a long time. The quarrel of the parents makes the child unable to choose in the child's heart. Both the father and the mother are her favorite people, and he has no choice to give up any party. We often see that when many parents are facing divorce, they will ask their children: "Will you choose to live with your mother or with your father?" This question is like letting a child choose whether to cut off his left or right hand, the child has no way of Choice, no matter which side you give up, is crippling to you. Therefore, parents try to avoid their children when they are quarreling, and avoid letting their negative emotions affect the healthy growth of their children. Such negative emotions should not be underestimated. The incomplete psychology will affect the children's future work, marriage and life, and also in dealing with others. will have a big impact. How to instill correct psychological knowledge in children after a fight? People are not saints, how can they be blameless? What if parents fail to restrain their emotions in time and quarrel in front of their children involuntarily? From a different point of view, this is also a good thing, just like children who have listened to more fairy tales, only when they really go to society will they find that "fairy tales are all lies", and parents' quarrels make children see the truth. Life situation, get the opportunity of psychological shaping. After the child's mood is stable, parents should calmly reason with the child: Mom and Dad are unhappy because of some things, and the two of us are angry, but no one is perfect, and there are always some flaws that can't be avoided. You see sometimes The teeth will bite the tongue, not to mention that two people who were completely unrelated before, living together can’t avoid conflicts, but after we quarreled, some conflicts were solved by the opportunity, we will still be fine, you can too It feels like, after a fight with your friends at school, you try to find a way to reconcile. Instilling the correct "crisis management awareness" in children is unavoidable in daily life, including when children are growing up, they will inevitably have conflicts with teachers, classmates, and relatives. The way to solve it is not to ignore the contradictions, which will create more contradictions. Therefore, it is imperative to correctly guide children to "crisis management". For example, when a child and a friend quarrel over a toy, to explain the reason to the child, you can use the story of "Kong Rong Let Pear" to make him aware of the sharing. To be happy, people are gregarious animals. Only by learning how to get along with people can we better stand in this society. Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and carries her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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