Stop raising "obedient" children, obedient children are more worrying than rebellious children

time:2022-10-07 14:33:14source:monlittlebaby.com author:Fever
Stop raising "obedient" children, obedient children are more worrying than rebellious children

The child is in the sixth grade of elementary school. Growing up, he felt that he was more rebellious, because every time I said something, he would refute me twice. I said to the east, but he wanted to go west. The weather has been relatively hot in recent days. When I went to dispose of the garbage at noon, I told him that you should walk down the path downstairs, and there are places such as shade and shady places to avoid the sun. But he had to walk from the main road, walking in the sun and throwing garbage. He said I just like to sunbathe. Are particularly obedient children any good? "What parents say should be opposed by children, how can they make children obey the wishes of adults?" Many parents will ask such questions. Indeed, having an obedient child is very worry-free. But these days, teaching children to be obedient is not necessarily a good thing. Children who are extremely submissive can become overly perfectionists, desperate for approval and affirmation from others, and even submissive to those who are controlling. These people start out as relatives, then as friends, criminal gangs, crooked cults... Those adults who force their children to be obedient will feel that children are "obedient" at first, and then they will feel that children are particularly rebellious when they are adolescence. Those unexplained parents, when they treat their children rebellious, will force their children to obey them even more, and finally lead to a vicious circle. I think these are not phenomena we want to see, what we need is to teach children the skills of cooperation and problem-solving, and to know how to respect others and love themselves. When getting along with parents, children's psychological changes When children are young children, they begin to observe the expressions of adults. Although parents want to manage their children well, not let them make mistakes and let them avoid detours. But the effects of what they do on their children are not necessarily all positive. Because everyone's cognition is different, and their world outlook, outlook on life and values ​​are different in all aspects, there is no absolute truth in this world. From the child's point of view, the parents control their own food and beverages, and even the tuition fees they need when they go to school and the money they need when they want to eat snacks are all given by their parents. So they dare not resist because they are in a weak position. many times. They will accumulate such negative emotions in the bottom of their hearts, and then appear submissive on the surface, but such submissiveness is not necessarily a good thing, and one day it will explode. In the case of the once-popular Peking University genius Wu Xieyu killing his mother, we can see that Wu Xieyu was very obedient to his mother's arrangements during his childhood, and his mother was also a very controlling person. When he grew up, there were After realizing his own ideas, he was unwilling to obey his mother's arrangement, and went to extremes. However, some children will do some things to please their parents. This kind of personality will make them form a pleasing personality, which will greatly affect his future interpersonal communication. When they become adults, they are prone to sacrifice their own interests to satisfy their colleagues and friends around them. , thereby losing the self. What children need is guidance, not punishment. For children in the sixth grade of primary school, they are about to enter puberty. For children of this age, we must choose a more appropriate way to treat them, rather than force compliance. In fact, instead of letting children be obedient and obedient, we should listen to the inner voice of children more. This means that there needs to be an effective communication between parents and children. There is a saying: "obedient and listen to the sound", which means that when listening to others, we must understand the voices of others, especially when facing children, we will have personal prejudice that children are ignorant and have no higher opinions. , and ignore the child's demands and voiceovers. When parents and children have conflicting views, especially for a child who is about to enter adolescence, you might as well ask the child how he thinks about the problem, and then listen to the child patiently and quietly, and don’t rush to a conclusion. Right or wrong, maybe you will find out by accident that the child's perspective is not as clueless as your parents think. Of course, in the face of children at different stages, parents can also use other positive education, such as holding family forums, to give children an opportunity to express their true feelings, to teach children to express their true thoughts, and even to teach children Learn to respect each other and develop their independent living skills when dealing with others. In the past, obedience meant obedience, which may be an indispensable quality in life and work. However, in today's society, to be a maverick with our own views and opinions, what we need is internal control and Life skills, not obedience. How should children be submissive appropriately? What are the characteristics of obedient children? They have been timid and weak since childhood, have no self, blindly compromising, what others say is what they say, and dare not express their own thoughts. To change such obedience, we must first realize that they are independent individuals, not appendages of their parents, and they also have to make their own judgments. Not everything parents say is right. At the same time, we should read more, think more, and develop the habit of independent judgment. What should parents do? The general reasons for the formation of submissive personality are as follows: First, children lack the company of parents when they are young. The second is that parents have a strong desire to control and require their children to be obedient from an early age. Third, parents do not fully respect their children's wishes and ideas. Especially for those grumpy parents, if the child makes a mistake, either hit or scold. I want to establish a proper authority in front of my children, but this kind of education method will make the children become depressed and inferior, which will cause the children to form a pleasing personality in the process of getting along with others. Parents have to change themselves in order to change their children. First of all, as a parent, you should reflect on whether you respect and understand your child in your daily life. If you don't, you must first change your educational concept before guiding your child. And in daily life, we must separate behavior from people. Behavior is what children do. There are right and wrong. We can unconditionally accept the child itself, give them more love, and face the child’s inconvenience. We should also tell our children directly about appropriate words and deeds: "Mom and Dad love you, but don't want you to do this." Therefore, in daily life, parents should cultivate their children's ability to think independently and solve problems by themselves. ability to allow them to form their own thinking patterns. Don't be afraid of children's naive thoughts, parents should also try their best to guide them so that children can form a sound three views. When they grow up, when children encounter different people and things, they will not be led by others, but will think independently. The causes and consequences of things and find positive solutions. Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and carries her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. 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