The more parents praise their children, the more "glass-hearted", it means that there may be problems with your praise method.

time:2022-12-02 author:Diet
The more parents praise their children, the more "glass-hearted", it means that there may be problems with your praise method.

Many parents find that their children are extremely fragile at heart and have strong self-esteem. Every time they encounter a little setback, they will collapse. This behavior of children is what we commonly call "glass hearts". Faced with such a child, parents are also very confused. They don’t always criticize and attack their children. They praise their children whenever they make progress or get good grades. In fact, it is precisely because the parents’ way of praise goes wrong that the child will become vulnerable in the heart. Praise must also have certain principles and emphasize appropriate methods and methods. Only when used correctly can we help children get rid of the “glass heart”.

"Stewed meat on a stick" is inappropriate, but "encouraging education" also needs methods

Now education advocates "encouraging education" ", most parents have abandoned the old-fashioned "stick education" and hope that through their own encouragement, their children will be able to progress further, but some parents find that the more they praise their children, the more backward their children are, which means "praise is wrong". Yes, complimenting children will make them more advanced, but the question is how to praise them. I often hear parents compliment their children, "You won the first place again? You are so smart!" Such compliments only focus on the results, and do not care about the process of the child's efforts. It will not become the motivation for the child to make progress, nor will it give the child the courage to face difficulties. Instead, it will make the child shrink more and more when faced with difficulties. . On the other hand, children who "praise right" will become more diligent, know how to find ways to solve problems, and will not easily back down in the face of difficulties. Therefore, parents should understand how to "praise" before praising their children. That's right.

Studies have shown that the way parents praise affects their children's "choice"

When children get good grades, parents generally How to compliment him? I think there are two kinds. One kind of parents will say: "You have such a high score in the test, you are so smart." Other parents will say: "You must have worked hard to get such a high score in the test." The above two ways of praise, The first is the praise for the result, and the second is the affirmation and encouragement of the process in the face of the result. The two different ways of praise will affect the child's psychology to a certain extent. In this regard, American psychologist Carol Dweck once conducted a study. The study sampled more than 400 fifth-grade students. He divided these children into two groups and completed the same task. A total of four rounds of tests were conducted. . When the first round of assignments was over, one group of children gave a praising compliment: "You did a great job, you're very smart." Another group gave an encouraging compliment: "You worked hard on your assignments, so you did a great job. ." Then three rounds of tests were conducted in turn. According to the results of the last round of tests, the test scores of the children who used praise-type praise dropped by 20%, while the children who used encouragement-type praise improved by 30%, so Carroll believes that , the reason for this result is that the two types of praise have an impact on the child's thinking. Complimenting children for being "smart" will make them form a fixed mindset, thinking that their success is brought about by intelligence, and avoid difficult tasks in order to maintain their smart image, and they will also fall into self-denial when they fail to achieve success. Complimenting children for their "hard work" forms a kind of motivating effect, allowing children to acquire a growth mindset. They believe in the meaning of hard work and believe that no matter what problems they encounter, they can be solved through their own efforts, and even if they fail, they will find solutions again. Way.

If parents praise their children more "glass-hearted", it means that there may be some problems with your praise method

Praise The direction of the child is not clear, which will make the child blind and arrogant. Many parents like to praise their children as "smart", "great" and "powerful", but they do not clearly point to "what behavior" and "what kind of practice" to do. Well, the child doesn't know why he is being praised, and only remembers that he is praised as "smart" and "powerful". If you often praise a child like this, the child will become blindly confident, unable to form a correct understanding of himself, feel that he is very powerful, and even boast himself to others: "My mother praises me for being smart!" I feel that no one can Compare yourself. But once encountering difficulties, children will fail because of their own lack of ability, and their hearts will become abnormally broken. They feel that they are not smart enough to face themselves, and even severe psychological problems will occur. ●Only emphasizing the results, the child will "shrink" in the comfort zone, and will not be willing to praise the child in the face of failure. You should know why you should tell the child why, instead of emphasizing "you got the first", "you got a perfect score in the exam" through hard work The results obtained should make children aware of the process of hard work and know how to do it in the future. The reason for the child's "full marks in the test" and "the first" is that he studied hard, learned the knowledge points very solidly, and even answered the questions carefully during the test. If the parents only praise the results, the children will only care about the results. , without understanding the meaning of effort. Moreover, these compliments that do not mention the process at all will only make the child remember the success of this time. When encountering the same situation in the future, they will mention their "successful experience". In order to maintain their "successful" image, they do not dare to. Try again.

The correct "praise" can guide children to "go to the next level"

Praise should be progressive , praise that can motivate children to be more motivated can be called correct praise. When parents praise their children, the correct way is to pay more attention to the process, not the result. When a child achieves good grades in studies, parents should not overemphasize the "good grades" themselves. They can praise the child: "Your mother is really proud of you for studying so hard, and I believe you can do it next time." Such a compliment It not only affirms the child's efforts, but also guides the child to move forward, so that the child understands that good grades are the result of their hard work, and that they are praised for their hard work, not just the "first place". When a child's behavior is worthy of praise, parents should not simply say "you are awesome", but praise the child's "what behavior" or "what behavior" is good, and help the child establish correct behavior and morality . For example, when a child gives up his seat to an elderly person on the bus, parents can praise the child: "You know how to respect the elderly, this is a very good character and deserves to be praised." "Respect the old and love the young".
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