After raising your own child as someone else's child, the parent-child relationship will not be more beautiful

time:2022-12-05 06:35:45source:monlittlebaby.com author:Common phenomenon
After raising your own child as someone else's child, the parent-child relationship will not be more beautiful

Wen Liqian read "Dream of Red Mansions" when he was young, and always wondered why Jia Zheng always looked down on his own children. Obviously, the children are smart and handsome, and even the royal family members are famous and want to get acquainted. Hit him to death. When I also had a child, and the character and ability of the child became clearer and clearer, I found that I was no different from Jia Zheng. Compared with the prominent family background, Jia Zheng was more like an ordinary and mediocre parent. When I saw the child's shortcomings, I wanted to scold him, and when I thought that the child might have followed me, I was even more angry. Where did Jia Zheng beat Jia Baoyu? It was clearly a vent for his unhappiness in his life and career. Beating Baoyu was actually beating himself. Reading other people's stories is always righteous, but when I put it on myself, I find that I am nothing more than a person in the play. More than one child from another family once said to me that I was a gentle mother and hoped that I could be his mother. In fact, only my own children know how powerful my lion's roar is. A few days ago, my best friend taught the child a lesson. She felt that the child was too introverted. I hope to have the courage to participate in class activities.” This sentence ends. After the best friend got angry, she didn't expect the child to say that she didn't want her best friend to be a mother, and so-and-so's mother never lost her temper. So-and-so's mother is me. My best friend was angry and funny, and I was ashamed as if I was looking in a mirror. I am not a good mother. My best friend's daughter is also a standard "other's child" in my eyes: independent, steady, dignified, and polite. When she first entered kindergarten, she was the only child without separation anxiety among a bunch of crying dolls. My best friend's daughter didn't raise her hand to answer the question just because she didn't want to, not because she couldn't or didn't dare. The daily homework and final exam papers were clean and beautiful. And my son of the same age, not only did he eat independently in the big class, but he also asked me to buy only Velcro shoes because he could not tie his shoelaces when he went to elementary school. But in the eyes of my best friend, my son is sunny, cheerful, funny and talkative, and every group activity, big or small, has its own protagonist halo. It seems that people without far-sightedness will have immediate worries. Our own children will never be perfect. As parents, there will always be a reference to compare children with. However, children will also have a steel scale in their hearts, who is good and who is bad. You compare them to each other, and of course they will compare you. From then on, I started to reflect on what I did right and what I missed. For the children of others, maybe distance produces beauty, I am full of fancy praise, gentle and considerate; for my own children, maybe aesthetic fatigue, I yell and scream. This is of course not fair, because my children are also children of other people's families in the eyes of others, and the advantages and disadvantages in the eyes of parents sometimes change from different perspectives. What's more, the children are also rating my performance. One day, my son said something to me, and finally emphasized: Don't tell Dad, or he will get angry. It turned out to be his little secret. I was a little blissful at that moment, and hoped this act of sharing secrets would continue. Because that is the child expressing that he trusts me very much and that only real and strong friendships will share secrets with each other, just like me and my little friends when I was a child. What made him have a friend-like trust in me? I began to recall that when the child shared his life, the atmosphere was very relaxed. At that time, I did not force him to practice the piano or do homework, and the tone was not admonishing, but lowering my posture and standing in his perspective, Empathize from a child's point of view, like a childhood friend. For example, when he said: I forgot to bring homework today, and deducted points. His expression is still a little lost and unwilling, so I should feel lost and unwilling like him, and say something like "It's a pity, otherwise I won't be deducted points". He will feel that you are actually listening to him and understand how he feels. For him, it's most important to understand how he feels, not to separate things into right and wrong, because his feelings have clearly proved that he knows right and wrong. If a parent who regards his role as a high-ranking parent praises and criticizes this matter, "I told you that you must not listen to it, it's okay", the child will only be criticized, and every time it will prove that the parents are always right The child is always wrong, then the child will always keep his mouth shut to the parents, because even if he speaks his heart, he will not be understood, and he never gets what he wants from the parents. Home is a place of love, not reason. Understand this truth, then treat your child with the same respect as you treat others sometimes, so that he can feel that he is loved, respected and understood. In the same way, treat your lover and your parents and family members the same way. If you give them half the tenderness and respect for others, maybe that's what your family should look like. Once, my best friend was unhappy for some reason. I preached to her for a long time and thought it would cheer her up, but I didn't expect her to be even more unhappy. Later I realized that all she needed was empathy and a little comfort from good friends, and the preaching should not be my turn. As a good friend, I can only do what a friend should do, and the family should also play its due value and role. Therefore, after being fortunate enough to be the custodian of my son's secrets, I secretly told my husband some interesting things about my son, and of course, at the end of the day, of course, I didn't forget to say "don't pretend not to know, or my son won't believe me." , again like showing off to her husband. Just like there is no love and hate for no reason, my son shows a lovely side to me, if only because I treat him with tenderness. I was as arrogant and unreasonable as a tyrant, and of course I got a child's disgust and indifference. The relationship is mutual and mutual, how can parent-child relationship be an exception? A good parent-child relationship also requires us to manage with our hearts.
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