There are four practices that will affect the child's sense of security, many parents are still doing it, don't care

time:2022-10-07 15:10:52source:monlittlebaby.com author:Make one's mouth water
There are four practices that will affect the child's sense of security, many parents are still doing it, don't care

"Security" has become a hot word. Regardless of reality or the Internet, you can hear these three words and a series of questions that extend from these three words almost anytime, anywhere. A sense of security is the first element of human psychological needs. An insecure person will feel inferior and suspicious, and his life may be gray and black. For children who are growing up, once they lose their sense of security, the impact may be for a lifetime. If parents have the following four practices towards their children, the child's sense of security will definitely be affected. Lack of Communication In modern society, the pace of life is fast and the competition is fierce. Many parents are busy with work and housework, while their children are busy studying and have almost no leisure time. Many parents and children have become a luxury to communicate. Most of the communication between parents and their children is basically zero except for "Have you written your homework?" "How was the test?" and other topics related to learning. "The child is his own, so why bother?" Some parents have this view. Indeed, living under the same roof, parents have greater certainty about their parents' example and their children's words and deeds. But after all, children are young, their psychological endurance is weak, they are not comprehensive in looking at problems, and they are not good at expressing themselves. I once saw such an example on Jiangxi Satellite TV's "Gold Medal Mediation" program. The parents divorce, the girl follows the mother, and the mother remarries. At the wedding banquet where the mother remarried, the mother did not place the girl at the main table, nor did she explain the reason for the arrangement to the girl. As a result, the girl immediately had an idea: my mother put me aside, ignored me, and no longer loved me. From this incident, the girl lost trust in her mother and stepfather, and lost her sense of security. Although her mother treated her as always after her remarriage, and her stepfather treated her as his own daughter and loved her in every possible way, the girl couldn't accept it, and she only lived in a world where she was "left behind". If the mother can ask the girl's opinion before the wedding banquet, or explain to the girl after the arrangement, let the girl know that the mother is not abandoning her, but giving in because of her own people. After all, there are several elders and leaders present, and the girl will not produce a great psychological change. Life is ever-changing, and parents should grasp the important aspects and communicate with their children attentively. If the child's infancy did not grow up by his side, when the child returns, he must communicate more and express his love. If the parents are divorced, no matter who the child is with, they should interact more when they are together, so that the child will not change their mentality due to loss. During critical periods such as school entry and further studies, communication with children should not be limited to learning, but let children feel that their parents provide them with all-round support. It can be said that there is no communication between parents and children, it is difficult to have trust, and without trust, the sense of security will inevitably be weakened. Simple, rude and inappropriate education methods are a major factor affecting children's sense of security. Parents often like to use coaxing, intimidation, and violence to educate their children for ease or "immediate results". Coaxing or intimidation is commonplace when children are young. If the child is disobedient and insists on going out to play, the parents cannot convince the child, and they will say to the child, "There are big bad wolves outside, and they are talking about the child." Uncle is going to come to the house to arrest people." There are many similarities. A child who is always deceived and intimidated, how can he feel safe? Even if the child grows up and knows that what the parents say is false, the feeling in the child's heart is: the world is deceiving and scary. When children lose their trust, they also lose their sense of security. I have seen this kind of admiration in the amusement park: two young mothers bring their children to play together. As soon as the little girl saw the merry-go-round, she jumped and said, "Great, great, I want to sit, I want to sit!" Then she ran to the merry-go-round. Her mother said "Two laps for you" and turned around to buy tickets. The other little boy held his mother's hand tightly and stood still, showing reluctance. His mother looked at him and said, "Let's play together." "No!" The boy quickly grabbed his mother and stepped back. His mother was annoyed, and asked him loudly, "Girls dare to sit, but you, a boy, dare not sit? You can't live up to your expectations!" She picked up the boy, forcibly put it on the wooden horse, and turned to leave. At this time, the Trojan spun, and the boy was so frightened that he cried out loudly on the Trojan. Mom ignored him and yelled at him, "You are so timid, you should exercise!" When the Trojan stopped, the boy turned pale with fright. Her mother thought she was fostering her child's independence by doing this, but actually made her feel insecure. Simple and rude educational methods are more harmful to children. Excessive expectations Excessive expectations for children will often increase pressure on children, causing children to worry, be afraid, and lose their sense of security because they are "out of reach". My friend is a strong mother. Not only does she strive to be strong in her work unit, but she also asks her daughter to "can't lose" and "can't lose". Her daughter has been leading the way since elementary school, always at the top of her class. When her daughter crossed the threshold of junior high school, she gave her an order: the junior high school must continue to be among the best, and the senior high school entrance examination must be admitted to the city's top key middle school. But her daughter is a little weak in science, and despite her great efforts, her grades are surpassed by others. In the third year of junior high school, her grades in the class have become middle and upper reaches. She felt that it was difficult for her to learn mathematics, physics and chemistry, but her mother didn't think so, and kept asking her to rush into a key middle school no matter what. In her school, no more than ten people can be admitted to the key middle school every year, and she feels that she has no hope at all. Her mother's constant encouragement made her miserable and dazed. Later, for some unknown reason, every time she took the exam, she would definitely have a stomachache and diarrhea, and of course she would definitely fail the exam. She was lively and cheerful in elementary school, and became introverted, shrinking, and lacking self-confidence. No matter what the school asked her to do, she would ask: "Can I do it?" The outcome of high expectations is ultimately counterproductive. Complaining and venting Some parents have a bad marriage or career, or the family economy is not good, they always like to complain and vent in front of their children. In fact, the negative emotions and anxiety of the parents will be passed on to the children, which will cause the children's anxiety and make the children lose their sense of security. When a man entered the sixth grade of elementary school, his personality changed drastically, he no longer interacted with people, and liked to hide in his room alone. His mother didn't understand very much and was worried that the child would get sick in the long run, so he invited a friend who knew a little about psychology to chat with his son. It turned out that the mother often complained in front of the child that the child's father was irresponsible and disregarding the family. He even suspects that he has a home outside his home, so the child is very worried, afraid of the future, and feels very dull and depressed. The relationship between husband and wife will affect the child's sense of security, and the family's economic situation is also closely related to the child's sense of security. In modern society, after all, there is no such thing as "eating dinner but not eating". The quality of the family economy is more in comparison. Parents should have a good mentality and an optimistic attitude. Even if the economic conditions are not very good, they should not express their anxiety and worry about economic pressure in front of their children. After all, the children are still young and cannot fully understand and help them. Feeling too much of their own worries will make children lose their sense of security and make it difficult for them to grow up healthy and sunny. Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and carries her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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