More and more children are reluctant to ask their parents for help: why they love their children, but cannot trust them unconditionally

time:2023-02-03 12:45:11source:monlittlebaby.com author:Diet
More and more children are reluctant to ask their parents for help: why they love their children, but cannot trust them unconditionally

Some time ago, a boy's "Teletubbies" incident in Hong Kong caused a lot of uproar. The reversal of things made many people reflect on it, especially as parents. Indeed, every parent loves their children, but how many can unconditionally trust their children? For the boy in the "Teletubbies" incident, if someone hadn't posted a video of the truth of the incident, the boy would have "kicked down the 'Teletubbies' 'black pot'" for a lifetime, and would have been wronged for a lifetime. That day, the boy and his parents were hanging out at the toy store. There were many people. Suddenly, a golden "Teletubbie" with a height of 1.8 meters fell to the ground. The boy standing beside him looked panicked. At this time, a clerk rushed over and told the boy's mother that it was the boy who kicked the "Teletubbies" and the "Teletubbies" fell to the ground. The clerk demanded compensation from the boy's parents. The boy's parents didn't have any doubts, and immediately apologized, negotiated the price of "Teletubbies", and paid more than 30,000 yuan in compensation. Unexpectedly, someone posted a video on the Internet of the "Teletubbies" falling to the ground that day. The video showed that the boy did not kick the Teletubbies, but the crowd was too crowded, and the "Teletubbies" were knocked down, and the boy tried to grab them. , but too late. The incident quickly reversed, and netizens accused the toy store that such a valuable doll was placed in a crowded place without any protection, and the boy was wronged. The toy store immediately apologized and returned the compensation to the boy's parents. The matter was really over. However, this incident was undoubtedly a harm to the boy. The boy is said to have been silent since returning home, believing that he had done something wrong, and that he did not go to school for several days. In fact, when the "Teletubbies" fell to the ground, the boy looked down at the broken Teletubbies and felt very sad. If at this time, the parents could squat down, comfort the boy and inquire about the process in detail, the boy should not suffer Injustice, but many times as an elder, I always feel that the child is small, and I am more willing to trust outsiders and adults. Arguably, this is the norm for most parents. In reality, parents who love their children abound, but few unconditionally trust their children. A teacher has done a survey in dozens of schools: When there is a danger in your life and a difficult problem to deal with, who do you think of asking for help first? The results of the survey were surprising: Fewer than 7 percent of people could think of asking their parents for help. Why? Originally, parents are the people who love their children the most. There is only one reason why children do not want to ask their parents for help. Because parents do not trust their children and are skeptical of what children say and do, it is difficult for children to get support from their parents. When the child came home and told the mother: I was beaten by XXX. The mother turned back and shouted: If you don't mess with him, will he hit you? When a child says to his father: My money is lost. The father looked at the child in disbelief: Did you buy something to eat? When the child cried to his mother: I didn't speak in class today, and the teacher criticized me. Mother sneered: Will the teacher blame you? Even when the child was happy and said to his father: I got ninety-five points in the test today. The father will also ask: You didn't cheat, did you? There are too many similar conversations in life. Parents will always impose their original views on their children, regardless of whether they are forced to them, not listening carefully, not understanding them carefully, wronging their children, and attacking them. There was a piece of news: "Parents suspected that their daughter was forced to confess to stealing change, and a 14-year-old girl jumped off the building with a book." The girl died to prove her innocence under the repeated injustices of her parents. I know a girl who has been accused of stealing money from the family many times by her parents. The girl started crying and protesting, but later found it to be ineffective, so she broke the jar and threw it, really stealing her parents' money. When she was caught at the scene by her parents and beat and scolded her, she cried and said, "You forced me to steal it. I didn't steal it. stick education. Fortunately, the teacher educated her effectively, but although she no longer steals money, her relationship with her parents is very bad. After graduating from high school, he left home to work and had little contact with his parents since then. There is a topic on Zhihu "What kind of experience is it not to be trusted by parents?", and the answers in it are all distressing. A netizen said: I think it is a sin to live with them. You don't listen when you say it, you don't believe it when you hear it, and you question it when you believe it. What the hell are you doing? The helplessness and helplessness of children are distressing, and parents are often unaware of it. In the name of "love", they arbitrarily doubt and deny children. Deep down, they think they are "to spur, warn, and promote children." I have seen such a paragraph on the Internet. Text: The feeling of not being trusted by my mother is really uncomfortable, as if I have become a person waiting for judgment at any time... Can a child live happily and wonderfully in such a state? Parents either doubt or deny what they say; their words and deeds for help are more likely to be scolded by their parents; and it is not surprising that parents turn over their schoolbags, check diaries, and monitor their every move... It is common for parents to distrust their children, and parents do not take it seriously. Yet the child suffers from it. First of all, the distrust of the parents will make the child lose self-confidence and become inferior. Originally, parents are the closest people to their children. When their children’s progress or efforts are doubted by their parents, the children will instinctively deny themselves. Of course, they don’t dare to expect external affirmation and encouragement. Their enthusiasm and motivation will be affected by the parents’ distrust. It is greatly reduced, just like a little boy whose grades can't improve all the time said: "My parents said that I am not the material to study." He also completely distrusted himself in the distrust of his parents. Parents' distrust often makes children involuntarily lose their independence and autonomy. A child who is always doubted and denied by his parents is hard to be assertive, let alone do things independently. Cowardly, like to avoid is the daily state of such children. Furthermore, children become rebellious due to parental distrust. Trust is mutual. When parents do not trust their children, it is difficult for children to build trust in their parents. Once you don't trust it, "behaved" and "obedient" will hardly appear in children. Or they clearly ignore their parents' words, or they go against the grain. Rebellion is an obvious manifestation of children who are not trusted by their parents. The mutual distrust mode of getting along, family education is almost impossible to implement. At the same time, children will not communicate with their parents because of their parents' distrust, closing their hearts. Parents often do not trust their children, and children are naturally reluctant to communicate more, because every time they communicate, children not only cannot get support, but may also encounter doubts and blows, so "shut up" and "close your heart" are the way children treat their parents. Such a parent-child relationship must be indifferent and bad. As a parent, love your child, but also know how to trust your child! Author: A working mother of two children who waits for the wind to come. She holds a pen in her left hand and carries her baby in the right. She likes to read, write, and draw. She firmly believes that even if life is a piece of chicken feathers, she still has her own longing poems and distances in her heart. Follow me and continue to give you Provide more parenting dry goods. (The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete it)
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