The influence of the original family on the individual depends on learning to let go and reconciling with oneself slowly.

time:2023-02-02 author:Common phenomenon
The influence of the original family on the individual depends on learning to let go and reconciling with oneself slowly.

The recently popular "In the Name of Family" He Ziqiu's words are so distressing ~ "I don't understand, why don't you want me anymore?" Since childhood, he has a flattering personality, and he is good to the people around him because he is afraid Lose them and fear being abandoned. He Ziqiu: Why is it me who is abandoned every time? I cried a mess, the inferiority complex brought by the original family will really revolve around a person for a lifetime. ​I hope that every child influenced by the original family will have a good ending. Be optimistic and find yourself! Come out slowly and don't give up! The influence of our family of origin on us is deeply imprinted in our hearts and affects our whole life.

Psychological research has long proven that early life experiences, especially the family of origin, play a crucial role in personal character, which will have a long-term and far-reaching impact on an individual's life, and even determine the happiness of an individual's life. ​.

Another psychologist, Freeman, believes that it is impossible for a person to have no emotional unfinished needs from his family experience. That is to say, there is no perfect family of origin, and its influence is not absolute. As we are adults, personal growth and self-shaping are more about ourselves.

When I was a child, my parents preferred sons to daughters. I was the one who wouldn't ask for candy. If I said it, the ending also said that I wouldn't give it to me. I could only hide in the corner and cry secretly. , my brother asked my father to take the money, and my father gave it. I never took the initiative to ask for the money. My mother was sleeping upstairs, and I heard me tell me why my brother had it, but I didn't. I was scolded later, and I was going to go. At school, my mother was so angry that she told me not to go to school, she took me to the back of the house to pull weeds, she was scolding me all the way, the neighbors saw it and were talking about it, I was like a monkey on the street, Being whipped and scolded at will. Because I was talking about whether my brother had me or not. My mother said that I was a person who cares about me, and it made her sleep. My brother had an aunt to buy him a watch, and when he called his father, he would buy a watch for him. I said I would too. I wanted a watch and was scolded by my mother again, so I could only hide and cry, because I am a girl, the parental concept is to raise children to prevent old age. The scars from my original family made me hate my parents a little bit. From these wounds, I have to admit my past and my parents' imperfection. Let yourself slowly reduce the damage caused by the original family, put all your love on the family formed later, love yourself better, and don't let the damage of the past continue and affect your life. Wang Ou once shed tears on the show, saying that he was greatly influenced by his original family and felt that his mother only loved his half-sister. My mother doesn't know how to express herself. She worked outside the home when she was very young, and she had to rely on herself. She also came out slowly by herself.

I once saw a very vivid metaphor given by a psychiatrist, saying that childhood trauma or the pain of losing a loved one is like a bouncing ball in a small box Big ball, the wall of the box is your "mood switch". In the beginning, the ball is big, and no matter how it bounces, it's easy to trigger this emotional switch, and one can't help sinking into sadness. The ball gets smaller and smaller over time, and it's harder to hit the emotional switch no matter how much you bounce around—but that doesn't mean the trauma is gone. Because the emotional switch will always be there.

We must learn to let go of the pain caused by the original family and reconcile with ourselves, because a better future is waiting for us. Come out on our own.
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